Sweet Pickles

My Dilemma

Okay, so... tonight, I'm getting drunk by myself at home (like I do), but now I'm OUT OF BEER!  And since October is the new January, it's too cold for me to go to the convenience store in my pajamas to get more.  So, here are my options, as I see them now (with a buzz):

1.)  Start mixing Maneschewitz with Crystal Light.

2.)  Drunk-text everyone I know locally to come to my house for an 'after party', in order to trick people in to bringing me more beer.

Advice?

A New Look?

Are ya feelin' it?

If you're like Sweet Pickles, you hate to mess with a classic but also have a short attention span.  After a year and a half, is it time for SweetPickles.typepad.com to get a makeover?  And if so, should this be it?  What do y'all think?  Let a Pickle know!

A.)  This is like New Coke, don't mess with what works!
B.)  Hellz yeah, your new look is giving me feelings I've never felt before (call me)!
C.)  Yeah, it's time to shake things up, but this is not the look you should be going for... try again!

Victory!

Background:  About 2 weeks ago, I emailed our Big Boss to inquire about the possibility of doing a faculty exchange abroad next spring or next summer.  Unfortch, Big Boss was out on vacation last week, and I've been dying to hear back.  Fast-forward to 3:59pm this afternoon:  On my back porch with my laptop, I decide to email a document to myself so that I can print it out at the office for my class tomorrow.  Upon logging into my webmail account via Ye Olde Academic Sweat Shoppe's homepage, the first email in my inbox appears to be the much awaited reply from Big Boss to my original query.  Immediately below that email, I happen to secondarily notice an email reminder from Ye Olde Academic Sweat Shoppe's IT people about this afternoon's complete and utter shutdown of the entire system.  Which is scheduled for 4:00pm today.  In my mind, I could see and hear one of those detonation timers ticking down, like in action movies.

I never got to read the reminder about why the Sweat Shoppe's computing was going to DEFCON 3, but I suspect one of the following:

1.)  A shift change on the treadwheel, between Winky and Toodles (the two gerbils who take turns generating electricity for campus).
2.)  The kite string, yarn, and twine used to connect the Sweat Shoppe's computing systems got rained on.  Or gnawed on by a squirrel.
3.)  Arlita, a bumbling but well-meaning receptionist (bless her heart) in the webmaster's office, mistook the Sweat Shoppe's mainframe for a vending machine, tried to feed some quarters into the slot where the punchcards are supposed to be inserted, then tried to retrieve the coins with a pair of tweezers.
4.)  The Sweat Shoppe's computing upgrade, from Simon the Memory Game to Coleco Handheld Football (Speak & Spell was too expensive), requires some installation time. 

I wish I could have seen myself as I focused like a mutha-uckin' LASER to try and open the email from Big Boss and copy-and-paste its contents into something I could save before the lights went out in Georgia. The theme song from Mission Impossible was ringing in my ears.  Sweet Pickles gots SKILLZ, y'all!  I was actually able to get the email I'd been waiting for!  Can you believe it?  I know it might seem like no big deal to those of you for whom things always work out.  But accomplishing this feat, despite the odds stacked against me, made my frickin' day!  Anyhoo... Big Boss wrote back, asking if I'd be interested in Nelson Mandela Metropolitan University (in Port Elizabeth, South Africa), and how about Latin America? 

I hadn't really thought about NMMU when researching possibilities, but I spent the rest of the afternoon looking into it.  Apparently, Port Elizabeth is the 5th largest metro area in the country (after Johannesburg, Cape Town, Durban, and Pretoria).  And this description of the weather really piqued my interest:  "Temperatures are moderate all year round with rain scattered throughout the year.  The summers are warm with a very temperate humidity level.  Winters are mild and pleasant, and it is significant that water sports, even surfing, boardsailing and diving, are practised year-round [italics mine]."  Not that I'd plan on doing much surfing (although I wouldn't rule out trying it), but the idea that it can be done even in winter certainly appeals.  I mean, Stellenbosch is in wine country, but NMMU is sounding a little "Sunshine Coast-ish" (in a good way). 

As for Big Boss' second question, I hadn't realized that Latin America might even be a possibility for me to do something like this.  So now, I'm torn.  Unfortch, I can't look up Latin American institutions we have exchange agreements with (see aforementioned computing issue), and it's killing me.  Depending on what countries we're talking about, this might be an even cooler (or hotter) option what any of the places I'd been considering previously.  Or not.  Right now, my initial instinct is telling me...

Guatemala, San Salvador, Belize, Honduras, Guyana, Suriname, French Guinana:  no.  (I cannot envision how I would potentially live here for up to 3 months, or I cannot generate enough interest to want to try.)

Dominican Republic, Haiti, Colombia, Venezuela, Bolivia, Paraguay:  probably not.  (I don't rule these out, but they don't interest me as much as others.)

Panama, Peru, Chile, Uruguay:  maybe.  (I might want to research further to better predict how happy I'd be there.)

Mexico, Costa Rica, Ecuador, Argentina:  yes.  (I am confident enough that I would enjoy these to be able to accept an offer immediately, with excitement and not much further thought.)

Brazil:  STFU.  (If this is even remotely possible, Sweet Pickles only has two things to say: Não toque em me e então ande afastado ["Don't touch me and then walk away"], and, Para fazer este acontecer, com quem devo eu dormir? ["To make this happen, who do I gotta sleep with?"].)

So... Port Elizabeth or Latin America?  Opinions?  Advice?  Recommendations?

In the meantime, fingers crossed for Sweet Pickles' semester abroad!

Where will I go, what will I do? (Frankly, do you give a damn?)

If you don't already know, I'm considering doing a faculty exchange with one of our partner institutions, in which I go teach abroad for a semester (maybe Spring 2010 or Summer 2010), and a counterpart comes here to teach my courses.  I've been trying to prioritize my wish-list of destinations, which is harder to do than you might think.  Here are some options I've been exploring so far:

Stellenbosch University, South Africa
Macquarie University, Sydney, Australia
University of the Sunshine Coast, Queensland, Australia
University of Ulster, Belfast, Northern Ireland
University of Edinburgh, Scotland
University of East Anglia, Norwich, England

K-Fiel is rooting for the Scottish option (natch), and makes a compelling case for all that the city of Edinburgh and the people of Scotland have to offer.  Brad Bagby suspects that my decades-long romance with South Africa has set up unrealistic expectations, and thus South Africa will never be able to live up to my image of it.  Also, he can't understand why I would explore any other options when one of the possibilities is named "The University of the Sunshine Coast."  T-Bagg, who taught in England for a semester, cautions me about what winter in the U.K. can be like for Texans like us.  Also, she likes the idea of the University of the Sunshine Coast because she anticipates that I'll be able to wear Tiddies (image below) to class everyday.  She and I agree that the photos showing kangaroos roaming around the campus of Sunshine Coast do appeal, but I think that she's also leaning toward Stellenbosch with me.

Considering how I get a serious case of the SADs every winter here, it would probably be wise to limit any Spring 2010 options to the Southern Hemisphere.  But if I were to go doing Summer 2010 instead, I should probably consider only the U.K. options (because I cannot go a whole year with no summer and two winters).  So, for those of you who have any advice or suggestions to offer, which schools do you think I should be pursuing for Spring semester or for Summer session?

A failure to recognize.

On Facebook, that dumb slut Brad Bagby has posted this pic, claiming that Donna Mills and not Michele Lee is the real star here.  Whatevs!  I think the visual evidence speaks for itself...

Get your vote on!

poll by twiigs.com

Let's try a poll (and see if this works)!

poll by twiigs.com

My medieval profession: Big surprise, huh.

You Are a Jester

You are a natural entertainer. You can get a laugh from the toughest of crowds. You make friends very easily. You tend to know a lot of popular, rich, and powerful people. You are also good at playing politics. You know how to get along with many factions without upsetting anyone. In modern times, you would make a good actor or world leader.

What's Your Medieval Profession?

Yeah, yeah, I could guess there this one would lead before I even started answering the questions. But I am intrigued by career advice for the modern world. It got me thinking... what country would be a good match for Sweet Pickles' style of leadership. Some places just aren't ready for Sweet Pickles' portrait on their currency and postage. Other seem politically and/or economically more compatible with the basic tenets of Picklism, but would it really work out?

Great Britain - Sure, it's the Mother Country and all, but could Sweet Pickles deal with the climate?  I'm down with the imperialism, but are there enough lookers among the population?  I feel that SP would be at his best reigning over really attractive subjects.  Sure, the rights of the unattractive would be safeguarded in Pickledom, but as a protected minority.  And with a Labour government in power, the mood isn't as pro-Pickles as you'd find during the Thatcher years.

Japan - Yeah, Sweet Pickles misses the efficiency.  But might Japan be too efficient for Sweet Pickles?  Or, more likely, would Sweet Pickles be efficient enough for the Japanese?  Plus, Japan is all about the four seasons.  SP should probably confine his domain to a one-season kind of place.  Although I get along well with the Imperial Family, the LDP (and its octogenarian leadership) is a major snooze. 

Israel - More lookers, better weather, and none too efficient.  But is Sweet Pickles religious enough for this job?  Probably not if its major attraction for me would be the beaches and nightclubs of Tel Aviv.  And would the beaches and nightclubs of Tel Aviv be enough to make it worth the hassle?  And the socialism... don't get me started.

Brazil - More lookers, and the beaches and nightclubs of Rio certainly appeal.  And I'm certainly down with the gaping disparities between rich and poor.  Less intense than Israel, but potentially dangerous in different ways.  Would Brazil still be too much for Sweet Pickles to deal with?  Probably.  Sweet Pickles is more of a figurehead than an administrator.  I don't solve problems, I inspire. 

Monaco - Lookers and good weather, check.  Beaches and nightclubs, check.  No major problems to deal with, check.  Plus, a casino!  And it's a tax haven... everyone's rich!!  This should be a match made in heaven, am I right?

Can't decide.

It's March, and I'm considering another month-long marathon of music videos by a single artist.  Right now, I'm torn between "Miss Demeanor (Missy Elliot) in March" or "Minogues (both Kylie and Dannii) in March."  Any preference between the two?  Or suggestions for other month-worthy promos?  Vote now!

A new contest!

For those of you who know and love Frenchie, I hope you have been able to keep up with her posts from France (on Facebook).  I and several other fans of Frenchie have often encouraged her to blog, because we know she'd be great at it, and that everyone she knows would tune in regularly.  The girl writes more in a single post than Sweet Pickles does in a month.  Frenchie always says she can't think of a good enough name for a blog to start one.  Here on sweetpickles.typepad.com, let's kick off a contest to come up with the best suggestion to personalize the name of Frenchie's future blog.  So, put on your thinking caps, and get your recommendation on!  I'll get things started...

At first, I was thinking of either "Luvs2DoIt247" or "Good in Bed," but then I realized I was thinking of alternate titles for my own blog.  So instead, how about something like "Frenchified" (the past participle of frenchify)?

There's a Party in My Board Shorts

Okay... now that June's halfway over, it's past time to get this summer's mix CD (There's a Party in my Board Shorts) out.  I've managed to get the list of possibilities down to 18, but want to make it a nice round 15.  You'll notice that not everything on this list is brand new.  But everything sounds like summertime!  Have a look at the list, and let me know what mos def should be included.  Vote now!

I Kissed a Girl, by Katy Perry

Shake It

,

by Metro Station

California, by HaDag Nachash

Stamp Your Feet, by Donna Summer

NYC Beat

,

by Armand Van Helden

Look On the Floor

,

by Bananarama

Where the Music Takes You, by Ari Gold

 (featuring Sasha Allen)

4 Minutes, by Madonna

 (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)

Cupid Shuffle

,

by Cupid

That's What You Get

,

by Paramore

No Sex for Ben

,

by The Rapture

Sucka Mofo

,

by Northern State

Rush Hour

,

by Jane Wiedlin

 

Cities in Dust

,

by Siouxsie & the Banshees

Can I Get Get Get

,

by Junior Senior

B.O.B.

,

by OutKast

Bojangles Remix, by Pitbull featuring Lil Jon & Ying Yang Twins

Lo Mevater, by HaDag Nachash

The New Look

Many readers will notice a new look.  Image consultants have given SweetPickles.typepad.com a makeover that is transformative, but not permanent.  As someone who hates change (as well as April, the Beijing Olympics, and Hillary Clinton), Sweet Pickles realizes that not all changes appeal.  So, have a look around, see how ya like it, and vote now!

A.)  Keep the new look for a while.
B.)  Keep the new look forever.
C.)  Return to the original look immediately.
D.)  Go back to the drawing board for yet another design.

Am I right?

Did the month of May suck as much as the month of April did?  Vote now!

A.)  Yes
B.)  Yes

You (Help Me) Decide

I'm hanging around my sparkly-clean house this morning, waiting for the people from Oxford Debate Housing (yes, we're hosting a presidential debate here this fall, and yes, I realize that is the most whacked thing you've ever heard of). They've got to come do a little inspection tour, before my guest bedrooms can be officially added to their listings of accommodations available during the lead-up to the debate.

In addition to a little rental income, I'm hoping for some possible famous overnight guests (not that I haven't had plenty of famous overnight guests in my life already, euhhhhh!). I'm envisioning the most well-known faces of the international media descending on our quaint little Third-World outpost on the edge of civilization, and needing a hut to stay in. Maybe they can hook-up their satellite stuff and do a live remote broadcast from my back porch.

All of which leads me to my new idea... Sweet Pickles' Celebrity-Journalist Slumber Party! We'll stay up late, watching scary movies and eating pizza. I'll braid Christiane Amanpour's hair while she tells Charlie Rose all about who she's got a crush on. Jim Lehrer will sneak into the kitchen to put Gloria Borger's bra in the freezer. Then we'll prank-call Mara Liasson. I'll dare Gloria Borger to do 'Bloody Mary' in the bathroom. Then, everyone will try to levitate me (since I'm the tiniest) by 'Light as a Feather/Stiff as a Board'. Later, Sweet Pickles will sneak off alone and sing "Hopelessly Devoted to You" out back by my inflatable swimming pool.

And this is where your vote of advice comes in. I have two guest bedrooms. Two people could sleep in each guest bedroom, for a total of 4 renters (in addition to myself, alone in the master bedroom... or maybe not). If Sweet Pickles' receives multiple competing bids to stay at his place, from a variety of the world's most important reporters and commentators, who should he welcome for his Celebrity-Journalist Slumber Party? Which group would be more fun:

Team Serious: Christiane Amanpour, Charlie Rose, Jim Lehrer, Gloria Borger

Team Crazy: Geraldo Rivera, Nancy Grace, Larry King, Don Imus

VOTE NOW!

Democracy in Action: Where Your Opinion Matters Most

Which junior-high euphemism most deserves a comeback/revival?

A.) "doin' it"
B.) "gettin' it on"

Vote now!

Opinion Poll of Readers

Which are the greatest Girl Scout cookies of all time?

A.) Thin Mints
B.) Peanut Butter Sandwiches
C.) Peanut Butter Patty
D.) Carmel DeLites

You dedice... vote now!