Sweet Pickles

The summer my youth died...

never seems to end.  Is this what every generation goes through, all at once like that?  What scares me the most is that almost every pop cultural icon to die this summer has been younger than my parents.  Although I probably would never have described myself as an actual fan, I found this tribute video montage of great scenes from Patrick Swayze's movies a positive reminder of his career. 

Sweet Pickles recommends...

Im Juli!  Sweet Pickles has been feeling a little sickly most of the day, but something that made me feel better was Im Juli.  T-Kos had told me about it, and loaned her copy to me.  The older I get, the less able I am to sit through a movie (since the average length of most American movies is now somewhere around 5.5 hours).  So, the idea of a foreign film on DVD appealed.  And T-Kos was right... it was a good one. 

Although unrealistic love stories in American movies tend to make my ass hurt, not only do they not bother me in foreign films, but I can suspend disbelief enough to actually get into it.  Maybe it's the language barrier.  Or the fact that I don't know every detail about the personal lives of the actors.  For whatever reason, I found Im Juli to be fun without being ridiculous, sweet without being cloying, and cheering without being nauseating.

Casting the Sweet Pickles Biopic

I just saw a (potentially) interesting 'quiz' on Facebook, but couldn't get it to work.  So, I thought I'd try my own version here.  It asked, "Who would play you, your love interest, your best friend, a parent, and your worst enemy, in a movie about your life?"  The title of this not-yet-rated epic is So Sexy Almost Evil: The Sweet Pickles Story.

The Star, Sweet Pickles (Justin Timberlake)

Mrs. Pickles (Padma Lakshmi)

Sweet Pickles' Best Friend, Brad Bagby (Jeremy Piven)

Mama Pickles (Suzanne Pleshette)

Daddy Pickles (Burt Reynolds)

Sweet Pickles' Worst Enemy, and you know what bald dwarf I'm talking about (Verne Troyer)

Requiescat in Pace

Arriving home after a delightful afternoon at the home of JustJess, I logged on to Facebook only to discover the end of an era.  Both Michael Jackson's and Farrah Fawcett's deaths struck a blow at my childhood self.  John Hughes' strikes at my teenage self... much closer to home.  I realize that I sound like a crotchety grandpaw, but when I think about what Hollywood is producing for today's teenagers, I can't help but feel that they're being cheated.  I didn't have to walk 10 miles barefoot in the snow to watch any of John Hughes' movies... but I would have.  Thankfully, John Hughes leaves behind the kind of gift that will keep on giving.

Summertime Movies = Dumb Fun

Although the weather here now is more like late November, the cinematic offerings at the local théâtre would suggest that summer is already upon us!  Last night, M-Em and L-Shep and I went to see the newest release in the venerable history of the Star Trek franchise. 

Disclaimers:  I've never been a Trekkie (Trekker?), but enjoyed the original series enough when I was a kid, and briefly paid attention to a couple of seasons of the Next Generation on television when I was in college.  Also, the older I get, the less able I am to enjoy much of anything that comes out of Hollywood.   It takes a lot for me to suspend disbelief these days.

For what it was, the latest Star Trek was cute and fun.  On the Sweet Pickles scale of film criticism, I'd give it a solid "well-it-didn't-make-my-ass-hurt."  If you haven't seen it yet, you can probably read on without worrying about me spoiling any surprises, because you've already seen this story dozens of times with only slight variations...

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:

Rakishly handsome young rebel-without-a-cause (let's call him "Maverick") in danger of wasting his father's heroic legacy, until wake-up call from elder statesman (let's call him "Viper") familiar with dad's apotheosis channels the daredevil's energies, setting the young buck on a course of personal growth from lovable poon-hound to leader of men. 

Frigid young prodigy of whom great things are expected (let's call him "Ice Man") torn between two worlds, wrestles with inner demons to learn his own limitations and eventually concede submission to the more potent testosterone of his ne'er-do-well nemesis-turned-BFF. 

Agitated and earnest young med student with charmingly foul mouth (let's call him "Goose") who forms early bond with our spirited ne'er-do-well, matures from protective partner-in-crime to become the perfect wingman. 

Confident and sassy young language expert whose hotness leads those around her to underestimate her genius (let's call her "Charlie"), maintains confrontational facade with young hero in order to prove herself in a man's world, which only fuels his interest in doing sexy times with her. 

SETTING:

Apparently, in the future, all human activity takes place along precarious edges at dizzying heights. 

SCRIPT - A SAMPLE DIALOGUE:

Maverick:  "What can I say, bro... I'm a badboy." [crooked grin]
Goose:  "Dammit, Maverick!  That badboy attitude of yours is going to get us kicked out of Star Fleet Academy!  Or killed!"
Ice Man:  [raises eyebrow]
Charlie:  "You may be a badboy, but I know the square root of pi." 
Maverick:  "As the cadet with the largest penis, I am now in control of this vessel." 
Comic Relief #1 (Asian):  [drops something]
Comic Relief #2 (Celt):  [makes wisecrack]
Goose:  "You can't do this... think of your career!  But if I can't talk some sense into your thick skull... what can I do to help?"
Ice Man:  [cites relevant statistic about penis measurements]
Charlie:  [side-eyed glance, then huffs off sexily...cue music: En Vogue's "Never Gonna Get It"]
Comic Relief #3 (Slav):  "Wessel!"

What a ride!

Just got back from seeing Slumdog Millionaire (FINALLY!) with M-Shan, and I'm still worked up.  Normally, I ain't down with the poor people, but DAYUM. The emotions, the sights, the sounds!! We stayed all the way through the final credits.  As if the movie itself wasn't great enough already, when they started the crowd dance scene at Victoria Station, Sweet Pickles almost had a jizz-in-my-pants moment (cf. SNL skit).  I am so glad I saw this one in a theater.  It makes me want to go to India right now. And I realized one of the things I like so much about Indian music:  drums!  Now I'm off to download the soundtrack.

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

Bridget Jones' Motorcycle Diaries

An awkward thirtysomething Brit, bored with her life, makes a New Year's resolution to travel on motorcycle across South America.  Her transformative journey exposes her to social injustices that inspire her to champion the causes of the oppressed and to stop smoking.

You wanna know who still looks good?

Catherine Deneuve.  She's in some new French movie (Could you tell by the lit cigarette?  When is the last time you've seen an actress smoking in an American movie?).  I'll watch it.  You go, Catherine Deneuve.  Go on, with your French self!

I bet...

that Mama Pickles and her miniature chihuahua (named Cricket) are at the 'picture-show' right now! Probably one or two of the Lindas are with them. While I don't want to see this movie, I do want to see Mama Pickles. And all the Lindas!

Both thumbs down (ugh)!

Took the students to the movies tonight.  Saw "You Don't Mess with the Zohan."  I really really wanted to like this movie... I was all like, "I love the Mossad!"  But in the end, it was still just another Adam Sandler movie (i.e., designed strictly for an audience of teenaged boys only).  Part of me feels that I'm just getting too old for bad taste (after all, I'm gonna be 30 next year, y'all!).  The only redeeming factor was the soundtrack.  [See next post for recommendations!]

British Honduras... ha!

Went with a dozen friends to see the new Indiana Jones movie tonight.  

My Mayanist friends (weirdly, I have several of these) found the entire movie laughable.  They were unable to get past the inaccuracies.  I empathize with them... there is such a thing as knowing too much about a subject to be able to suspend disbelief long enough to enjoy a Hollywood movie about that subject.  This is why I can't see movies like Gladiator, Troy, Kingdom of Heaven, 300, etc.  

Yes, the movie was dumb fun... the kind I enjoyed as a 6th grader.  But for me, the nostalgia factor outweighed my usual fury at historical inaccuracies.  The theme song alone was enough to transport me back to junior high school band (directed by Loni Anderson's new husband).  And I think my family saw all three of the original Indiana Jones movies together, and I seem to remember that we all really enjoyed them.  So...

Sweet Pickles says:  get your posse together, and go re-live that time before we were too smart to enjoy Hollywood blockbusters!

Best quote of the night goes to G-Wrobe.  Scene: red dot moves in lines across a map to show where Indy and his crew's plane is flying across the world.  As the red dot moves across the Central American nation of Belize, I hear a voice in the dark, directly behind me:  "In 1957, it was still called British Honduras."  Ha!  Academics.  

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

Legends of the River that Falls Through It

In Depression-era Montana, Brad Pitt is a wild and rebellious younger brother. Yada yada yada.

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

Confessions of a Beautiful Mind

Schizophrenic mathematician goes on The Gong Show, where he's tapped by the CIA to become an assassin.

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

Little Miss Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

A dysfunctional family embarks on a cross-country road-trip in their VW van, to accompany their charmingly awkward daughter to a beauty pageant. The journey is fraught with emotion, and many lessons are learned. When the family finally reaches their destination, some futuristic amnesia company erases their memories of the whole trip.

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

The Poseidon Inferno

A cruise ship is engulfed in flames, and lots of B-List stars from the 70s have to escape.

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

The Hudsucker Redemption

Some mailroom clerk is wrongfully imprisoned, but he escapes and invents the hula hoop.

A Film Review by Sweet Pickles

There Will Be Old Men

Out west, some psycho freaks out the locals.