Sweet Pickles

My County's Latest Tragedy

When I got home from class tonight, my Facebook feed was buzzing in a way that most of yours probably weren't (unless you happen to be linked with multiple people I grew up with).  This afternoon's shooting rampage happened in my home county, making it our second-deadliest massacre in less than 20 years.  While I feel especially lucky and grateful that neither happened in my hometown, it still strikes close to home.  I don't want to make what is a large-scale tragedy all about me... it's just that not to acknowledge it here would seem, to me, somehow neglectful or indifferent.

 

Requiescat in Pace

Although I never really gave all that much thought to Eunice Shriver before, I suppose my opinion of her has always been positive enough (despite how abhorrent I have always found her father).  But watching a story about her on The News Hour earlier this evening, I was really impressed by her life's work, and pleased by how genuine and likable she seemed.  I was touched by her relationship with her mentally disabled sister.  Her story was inspiring, the kind of exemplary biography that would have perhaps deserved inclusion in her brother's Profiles in Courage.  Eunice Shriver leaves behind a real legacy equal to, and in some ways greater than, that of her more famous brothers, husband, or daughter.  The next time my goddaughter has a biography assignment in her talented- and-gifted program, I will recommend Eunice Shriver's as a life worth examining. 

Beer, a Leader Who Likes It, and a Voter Who Likes That He Likes It

Whether or not you agree with President Obama's reaction to the arrest of Henry Lewis Gates, Jr., you must admit that this picture is utterly refreshing.  Not only do I think that inviting Gates and the Cambridge police officer who arrested him to the White House was a nice idea, but to specifically invite them for a conversation over beer impresses the hell out of Sweet Pickles.  Remember a while back when President Obama was photographed holding a beer at some basketball game?  And now this.  Is it just me, or is this kind of historic?  Honestly, I can recall no photograph in the past half-century of an American president with a BEER.  A flute of champagne on hand for a toast at some state banquet, sure.  It's not that I don't believe any of our previous presidents ever drank beer, but I find this willingness to be photographed doing it delightful.  My only complaint is that they were drinking Bud Lite (the POTUS), Blue Moon (Sgt. Crowley), Sam Adams Light (Prof. Gates), and Buckler (Vice President Biden).  What, no Silver Bullet?  In the future, if any of Sweet Pickles' readers are invited to the White House during the Pickles Administration, know that you will be offered only two choices: Coors Light and Michelob Ultra.  And that you will be pressured to have more than one.

Scary

I won't even bother to address this idiot's views about the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, Jr. or the reporting of Yvonne Abraham.  While I find the level of eduction evidenced by the officer's writing skills worrisome, it his complete lack of self-awareness or basic survival instinct that is alarming.  Without some inherent inclination toward self-preservation (cf. the public nature of his career suicide), he is a danger to others, in a way frighteningly similar to a suicide bomber.  Most major retail corporations screen applicants with the kind of sociological questionnaires that would likely have prevented this particular candidate from folding sweaters at the mall.  So, how on earth was he ever issued a gun and a badge in the first place?  I recognize what a tough job policing is, and that good recruits are hard to find, but how could the Boston PD have hired someone like him?  Should we all be concerned that the more troubling problem might be the screening practices (or lack thereof) of police departments?

"Hello, Pot? This is the Kettle calling."

Far be it from me to defend anything China's government perpetrates against the Uighurs, but does the government of Turkey really want to go there?

Douchebaggery

Mark Sanford (the the married politician billing taxpayers for his international airfare to a booty-call in the Pampas), has apparently decided that he will not resign his position as governor of South Carolina, citing King David as his example.  The biblical hero David, progenitor of the messiah?  OH REALLY?  If casting about for a biblical adulterer with which to compare yourself, try Potiphar's wife.  Because your political résumé doesn't quite hold up.  David was a giant-slaying anointed dynasty-founder.  You are the sleazy governor of a not-all-that-important state.  On The Daily Show tonight, host Jon Stewart (and Member of the Tribe) said it best... something to this effect:  If you are a conservative Christian caught in adultery, don't use my book in your justifications... use your own!

I don't know which is worse...

boldfaced election fraud on behalf of a clown like Ahmadinejad, or the false hope that the victory of a 'reformer' could have had any real impact on the theocracy that runs Iran.  The Islamic Republic of Iran has never had real elections in any sense of the word that modern representative democracies would recognize.  To have any true hope for change, Iranians should have been filling the streets well before now.  The travesty of this 'election' is not its outcome, but rather its limited options (i.e., the pre-approved list of candidacies permitted by the medieval regime).  The delusions under which Moussavi's supporters had been laboring were naïve, but their disillusionment and the upheaval it has caused is, nonetheless, disheartening and difficult to watch.  After 30 years of this nonsense, I wonder if anyone inside Iran today would be ready to bring back Reza Pahlavi the former Crown Prince (below)?  Not in the same capacity as his father (God knows the Middle East already has more than its fair share of dictators), but as a unifying symbol in a parliamentary democracy similar to the Westminster model?  To me, this seems like Iran's best hope for a longterm future of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness... not the election of Moussavi or any of the other reformist candidates.

Is anything but death considered newsworthy these days?

If it bleeds it leads over at CNN.com.  Check out their current top 5 stories.  Instead of calling it "Latest News," how about "Up-to-the-Minute Deathwatch"?  I think their theme song should be Louis Armstrong's What a Wonderful World. 

Latest News

• More bodies found in Air France crash search
• 18 killed as army, gunmen clash in Acapulco
• Parents rammed cars into burning day care
  
• 5 U.S. contractors held in American's killing
• New mom found dead in crawl space; baby dies

Umbrellas? Really??

If it wasn't already the reigning title-holder, China would certainly have to qualify as the world's most childishly unsophisticated government.  It's difficult to take a country seriously until its government grows the hell up. 

Rush Limbaugh needs to shut his cake-hole.

Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh:

I'm starting to suspect that you are a closet-Democrat, hell-bent on subverting any potential for a Republican comeback.  If you honestly feel that Republican Party is no longer big enough for a former four-star general/former Secretary of State, then you should just close up shop and go the the hell home.  Take your two dozen closest friends with you, quit thinking of your brand of Republicanism as a national-level political party, and get the hell out of the public arena with this BS.  Enough with the false advertising... just call your group "Me, Joe the Unlicensed Plumber, and Some Dudes We Know." 

When did some unelected radio 'personality' such as yourself become the national spokesman of my political party?  And to suggest that Colin Powell's endorsement was solely motivated by race is the height of effrontery.  I am not the same race as Barack Obama, so how do you explain this Republican's vote for him?  How about this for 'guts', Mr. Limbaugh:  Your own support of John McCain's candidacy was solely motivated by race.  Instead of encouraging Gen. Powell to switch parties, you should be begging him to seek the Republican Party's presidential nomination in 2012. 

Colin Powell is a hero and national icon.  You are a loser.  Until you have built up even half the résumé of national service that Colin Powell has, I really don't want to hear your opinions about him.  Or about much of anything else, for that matter.  You are nothing more than a delusional Casey Kasem with a subscription to The National Review, and you'd do well to keep that in perspective before showing your ass in front of international media outlets.  You're not part of the solution to the Republicans' problem.  You're a very big part of the problem. 

Sincerely,

Sweet Pickles
Embarrassed Republican

I miss Maggie!

Using photographs, radio archives, and music from the era, BBC News has assembled a cool audio slideshow to mark the 30th anniversary of Margaret Thatcher's premiership.  Through the eyes of my childhood self, those eleven and a half years were heady times.  Looking back, I am reminded of what I liked about her in the first place.  The audio slideshow makes clever use of the period music.  My only criticism would be, how can a montage about Thatcher's leadership include no significant reference to the historic defeat of Soviet totalitarianism? 

Ha! I love that crazy Onion.

G-175 Nations Convene To Discuss How Things Can't Possibly Be Any Worse

Recognize any faces?

I'm all for safe sex, but what about national morale?

The Indian Council of Medical Research needs to keep its survey results on the down-low.  Unless you're mounting a concerted effort to discourage sex tourism in your country, why would you want to broadcast this news?  However, this does give me an idea for campaign strategy during Sweet Pickles' 2012 run for the White House.  How about a press release that says something like "Candidate Pickles rejects world manufacturers' tiny condoms as inadequate for Americans, calls on domestic producers to increase sizes."  You know it would get votes!

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

In response to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's opening speech at the U.N.'s anti-racism conference in Geneva, Israeli president Shimon Peres said:

“There must be a limit, even to the neutrality of Switzerland. Today is the day? This is the man to speak? This is the outlook for the future?”

The symbolism of the event almost completely escaped me.  This conference is happening on the eve of Yom HaShoah, and in a country whose banks helped to finance the Nazis.  I'm proud to see my country's name among the empty seats at this conference.

Some E.U. boots were made for walkin'!

I hate to say "I told you so," but what did France, Finland, Denmark, Britain, and Spain expect from a speech by someone like Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, at a venue like the U.N.'s anti-racism conference in Geneva?  So instead of saying "I told you so" to these European governments, I'll say "Better late than never."

To Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who "accused Zionists of wielding economic and political resources to silence opponents," I'll say this:  "Ring, ring.  Hello, Pot?  This is the Kettle calling.  That criticism about silencing opponents... you may want to back away from that.  Until you have your own miserable glass house in order, put down that particular brick."

To U.N. high commissioner for human rights Navi Pillay, who contends that Ahmadinejad's "unsavory remarks did not provide justification for anyone to walk out of the conference," I ask this: "If hearing a blatantly antisemitic rant during the opening speech of a conference against racism isn't sufficient reason to walk out, then what is?"

Oh really?

Just remember what people like Steve Biko accomplished without ever inciting his compatriots to lob Qassam rockets indiscriminately into the all-white school yards of Pietermaritzburg or Kimberley. 

"When you let everone play, nobody wins."

I think I can understand the disappointment of the Congressional Black Caucus.  For the U.S. to boycott a 'racism conference' after such an historic presidential election here could seem like a missed opportunity.  However, I'm confident that issues relevant to the African-American experience will receive no significant platform at Durban II.  Unfortunately, it would appear that, almost a decade after Durban I, the U.N. still sees no room for improvement in race relations beyond Israel.  I hope the Congressional Black Caucus won't prematurely regard this as some find of failure on the part of the new Administration, nor of the United States.  Rather, I hope they will come to recognize it for what it is... yet another in a long line of failures of the U.N.  While the U.N.'s ideal of inclusivity seems admirable (if unrealistic) on its face, the reality reminds me of this commercial for a job website:

Sweet Pickles reacts...

to some of the latest headlines from CNN.com

Latest News

* North Korea: Sanctions a declaration of war
Oh really?  Against whom?  Is this hungry nation without electricity planning to defeat the U.S.?  Japan?  South Korea?  Some alliance involving two or more of the aforementioned?  I'm so tired of listening to this kind of hyperbolic rhetoric from Pyongyang.  I wish the 'Dear Leader' would take a cruise off the coast of Somalia in some kind of open watercraft. 

* Dutch navy captures pirates after failed attack
Let's hope that the teenagers of Somalia are losing their mojo.
   
* Chavez to Obama: 'I want to be your friend'
Sweet Pickles to Chavez:  'I want you to quit trying to turn Venezuela into North Korea.'

* Time: What's all the secession ruckus in Texas?
A whole lot of wrongful assumptions inspired by an embarrassing ignorance of history.

* CNN Wire: Pirates seize Belgium ship off... 
What?!?!  Pirates capture Belgium???  Have Somali teenagers expanded their reach all the way to Antwerp?  Or perhaps did the headline writer mean to say that pirates had seized a Belgian ship? I understand the economy of space inherent in headline writing, but the adjectival form isn't even a single character shorter than the noun form.  Sweet Pickles hates to seem overly picky (pun intended), but I expect better from those who write for a living.

What kind of gross oversight is this?

In this CNN report about the upcoming trial of the suspect in last year's terrorist attacks in Mumbai, a bullet-point in the STORY HIGHLIGHTS section reads "The November siege targeted victims at Mumbai hotels, hospitals, railway stations."  In the second paragraph, the story again makes reference to "the late-November, three-day siege, which targeted victims at hotels, hospitals and railway stations in Mumbai."  In the repeated listing of targets, does anyone notice something missing? 

Not once in the entire story is Mumbai's Jewish Center (Chabad's Nariman House) even alluded to.  I suppose that, since only six people were killed there, it doesn't deserve mention.  Or, has this fact simply been forgotten?  Well, I'm sure of at least one person who will never forget it:

No... make that two.  I won't forget it either. 

The Navy SEALS didn't come to clown around.

At the risk of seeming callous, I have to admit that I liked this.  Very impressive, indeed.  Notice to future pirates:  You've been schooled.

What I haven't mentioned before is my utter bafflement at the idea of pirates in the 21st Century. 

North Korea wants a space program???

"North Korea says the purpose of its rocket launch was to put a satellite into orbit as part of its peaceful development of space."

Oh really?  For what?  So it can observe from outer space just how left-behind it is?  Let me save North Korea the billions of dollars with this little tip:  You can observe your backwardness for free already... nighttime satellite images of the hell-on-earth that you call "home" already exist (see example below).  Just google "North Korea at night."

If you really want to join the 21st-Century development of space, you'll need to catch up with the mid-20th Century.  Try getting electricity first.  And for a country with chronic famine problems, is the race-to-space really the best way to be spending your resources? 

You know who I blame?  China and Russia, the Security Council members who are "calling on the international community to act with restraint."  I hope these two epitomes of restraint will remember their own advice the next time an opportunity to trample human rights, oppress religious and ethnic minorities, torture dissidents, or murder the teenage children of the Romanovs, presents itself. 

I think it's fair to think of China and Russia as the mother and father of North Korea.  The failed ideologies, moral support, and material aid of their governments are who created this monster... it's their baby.  And it's about time that the proud parents take responsibility for this mess.  Unfortunately, I fear that the sad reality is neither China nor Russia is in any shape to be helping any other country get its act together.  Talk about the blind leading the blind.

Protests in Moldova: This, I like.

Rather than using Facebook to stalk the popular people from your high school or using Twitter to find out what oblique acquaintances might be feeling a little hungry at the moment, young Moldovans are using social networking to organize!  I like their style.

Part of me wants to say, "Your parents and grandparents are DUMB... who the hell was returning Communists to power in the year 2001???"  Because three-quarters of a century of trying out that shite worked so well for the countries that gave it a whirl.  Hey, if that doesn't work out for ya, try Sharia next. 

But I'm not going to say that.  Instead, I'm going to keep it posi, and focus on what is hopeful and inspiring.  In a world where so many countries are moving in the wrong directions (North Korea, Iran, Venezuela, Zimbabwe, et al), and others don't seem to be moving at all (China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Cuba, et al), this is refreshing!

Go on with your fine self, Lisa Halaby!

You know who's looking like a million bucks these days?  HM Noor al-Hussein, the Dowager Queen of Jordan (née Lisa Halaby).  Sweet Pickles is a fan.  She's being interviewed now on MSNBC (where she looks even better than the photo below) about her international efforts against nuclear weapons, which I find really admirable.  As dowager, she could have just let herself go, and spend her days lounging.  But she's out there being an activist, and looking good on television (she's nearing 60!).  I suspect that her beauty secret has something to do with the fact that her father was from Dallas, where looking good isn't just a way of life but a birthright!

G-20 Summit in London

"One of these things is not like the others.  Which of these things isn't the same?"

Hint:  All of the nations represented in this slightly dated photo, at least nominally, democracies (and at least Russia makes some show of trying) that have economies based on more than a single export... except for one.  Any guesses? 

I hope for the sake of the other 19 (and the rest of the world), they'll be discussing alternative energy sources. 

Does the Arab League expect even a pretense of being taken seriously?

Arab leaders rally behind Sudan's president to reject international charges over Darfur.

And this is the same group that wants the International Criminal Court to investigate possible war crimes during Israel's recent offensive in Gaza?  Oh, really???

Still hating China's government, but now South Africa's can suck it too.

What kind of government denies a visa to the Dalai Lama???  I'm about to reserve a place on my sh*t-list (see sidebar) for South Africa.  They must be trying to impress the IOC.  Don't call it a "peace conference," and then bar a laureate of the Nobel Peace Prize from attending.  But if you insist, then come out and be upfront about it.  Call a press conference in which the presidential spokesman says to the international media, "Look, we're whores."

Is there nothing the civilized world won't do to maintain trade relations with the People's Republic of China?  I mean, at what point will responsible governments finally be willing to say, "f*ck it, we can't do business like this"?  Cattle-cars?  If Iran or North Korea had even half the population of China (i.e., were as large a potential market), neither would be isolated by the international community.  Instead, they'd be hosting the next Olympiad.  I understand realpolitik, but come on.

Welcome back, vieux amis!

This article from BBC News explained a lot for me. 

In particular, this quote (attributed to former British Prime Minister Harold MacMillan), really resonated:

"France, he said, had made peace with Germany... but it could never - never - forgive the British and Americans for the liberation."

And who knew Lyndon Johnson was so quick-witted?

On a side note... I don't know if referring to NATO as "Nato" is a Britishism or a new trend in journalism, but it irritates.  "Nato" is too close to the Japanese fermented soybean specialty for my comfort.

Sweden was neutral during World War II, right?

Opposition to the actions or policies of the Israeli government isn't, by definition, antisemitic. But sometimes it can be:



Hatred for Jews in Malmö, Sweden

The sooner the world finds an alternative to oil...

the sooner there won't be enough revenues to fund religious police.  WTF is wrong with Saudi Arabia?!?!  I sure hope the IOC doesn't get wind of this, or else the world community will be sitting through an Olympiad in Riyadh or Jeddah in August of 2016! 

Open Letter to the IOC

Dear Pollyanna International Olympic Committee,

    I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and call your past decision to award the 2008 Olympic games to Beijing "childishly hopeful" (rather than "criminally negligent").  Although given no reason whatsoever to be optimistic, you gave up unconditionally the one carrot that the international community could have possibly wielded to ameliorate some of the worst excesses still being perpetrated by the Chinese government against the people of China.  Well, now the Games are over, and it will probably be at least another quarter of a century before another Chinese city can reasonably be expected to bid for another Olympiad.  Which translates into another generation of Chinese that will have to endure secret prisons and martial law. 

    On behalf of totalitarian regimes everywhere, thank you.  Dictatorship couldn't be maintained for so long without your help. 

Sweet Pickles

Love-Letter to Italy

Italia cara,

I love it when you do the right thing.  È così sexy!  Call me, anytime.

Screw Durban!  Meet me on the beach at Tel Aviv instead.

Sweet Pickles

Glad to see...

that my political party still appears to have learned nothing from having their asses handed to them this past November.  If, as this New York Times story suggests, Republicans want to get serious about how to rebuild a majority, then the American public needs to see less of this goober:

Recent attempts to bring more people like Michael Steele (African American), Eric Cantor (Jewish), and Bobby Jindal (Indian American, and Catholic) to the forefront of nation's public discourse might be a good idea.  But as long as this jackass is signing books, we're screwed.  [Thanks again, John McCain... your candidacy was a gift that just keeps on giving.]  But you know, I can't really work up any tears about it.  Unlike my own party, Barack Obama hasn't done a single thing to piss me off yet.

P.S. - Glad to see that Joe got all dressed up for his literary debut.  I realize that Mr. Hasenpfeffer was formerly an unlicensed plumber, but now that he's a published author, he needs to buy something slightly more 'writerly' than flannel for his public appearances.

Celebrity Equations

Arthur Fonzarelli

+ Australopithecus =

Governor Rod Blagojevich

P.S. - Illinois isn't very smart, y'all. I mean, come on. Really.

Go, Nic, go!

And he even said "Shoah."  I love this guy!

Election Wrap-Up

Sorry I've been out-of-commish for so long after Tuesday night's historic events, dear Readers!  I've just been so lazy busy lately. 

Well, after two damn years of campaigning, the 2008 elections are, thankfully, over.  For those of you who weren't in attendance at L-Ant's election-night soirée, the precedent-breaking news of even greater magnitude than the U.S. electing its first president of color:  Sweet Pickles voted for the Democrat in a presidential election! 

It was a surreal experience.  After I left my polling place and headed to work, I
passed both exits for campus!  Ever since I turned 18 (back in 1997), I never imagined that I'd ever do something like this.  But, then, I could also never have predicted what 2008 would be like. 

As I left the house that morning, and decided to go to the polling place instead of directly to work, it dawned on me that voting against McCain and Palin wasn't my only, or even my primary motivation.  Even though I don't agree with the majority of the Democratic Party's ideas, still there was something interesting and exciting and new to be voting for.  Either way, I think that if we Republicans are honest with ourselves, our party (at both the presidential and congressional levels) didn't deserve to win this time around. 

It's more than just how bad McCain's campaign was, or how good Obama's was.  After 8 years of a Republican administration (6 of those with Republican control of Congress), we really don't have much to show for it.  As a citizen, I'm pretty aware and well-informed, and I cannot, off the top of my head, recall any single achievement (either executive or legislative) of which I am especially proud.  To be fair, I guess we should all recognize the current leadership for preventing another terrorist attack.  But without much else in the way of accomplishments to run on, I don't know how we could reasonably expect any outcome other than what happened Tuesday night. 

With that said, the incoming Obama Administration has 4 years to get the ship of state back on the right course.  How they do it, as much as if they are able to do it, will determine whether the vote Sweet Pickles cast on Tuesday will become a one-time aberration or could be repeated in 2012. 

And now, a quick post-mortem on McCain-Palin 2008.  Here are a few things I won't miss and whose absence from my television I expect will make the near future immediately brighter:

Joe the Plumber, Hank Williams Jr., winks from public officials, REMs that occur outside of sleep, non sequiturs, folksy aphorisms, and the phrases "my friends," "maverick," "hockey moms," and "drill, baby, drill!"

P.S. - To those of you for whom this vote might seem to radical a departure for Sweet Pickles, don't worry... I still hate poor people!

You know who I'm getting tired of seeing on my TV?

Did I just hear Joe the Skinhead the Plumber say at a McCain campaign event that he planned to vote for 'a real American' ?



Note to Joe: I'd be careful about playing that game if I were you. Those of us 'real' Americans whose families have been in America since before the Revolution could very easily point out that, with a surname like Wurzelbacher, your own family probably wasn't at Jamestown or Plymouth. Or here before the Civil War, for that matter. You know what they say about people who live in glass houses. (Or rented trailers.)

Note to Joe's pick for prez: Not only is Herr Wurzelbacher not making this Republican want to vote for you, but now you're scaring me. This douchebag is who you want to make the face of my party? Really?? REALLY?!?! I had been thinking I'd go vote for other candidates in down-ballot races and just leave the box for president unchecked, but now I'm leaning toward staying home altogether on election day. Good work, Einstein. Or, better yet... keep this up, and maybe I will show up at my polling place on November 4th, and cast my first straight-ticket ballot for the Democrats in hopes that you'll get the ass-kicking you've been working so hard for. If you don't mind your career and reputation going down in flames, okay. After this sad-ass excuse for a campaign, that's exactly what you deserve. But you have a responsibility to the Republican Party... a responsibility not to pull it down with you. You better hope to hell you can pull a miracle out of your ass, because otherwise, it will take decades for the Party to recover from your mistakes. And that is how you'll be remembered forever. At your age, you don't have enough time to rehabilitate your reputation à la Richard Nixon.

Less than 3 weeks left

... of this tragicomic farce known as the McCain-Palin '08 campaign.  Win (accidentally) or lose, the third and final debate has convinced me that one thing's for sure.  History will be made.  America will elect either its first African-American president, or its first president with blepharospasm. 

After watching tonight's debate, I have only one question.  'Joe the Plumber' is about to purchase his own business worth over a quarter of a million dollars after 15 years of working as a plumber (and is able to do so in the middle of a global financial meltdown, no less), and he's who is worried that Barak Obama doesn't believe in the American Dream???  Shut the hell up.  Forget taxing him to pay for his employees' health care.  What 'Sweet Pickles the Busy Language Executive' wants is for Joe's new business to be taxed in order to fund job retraining programs that prepare academics for lucrative new careers in plumbery.  From all my fellow suckers who pursued careers in higher education (instead of the plumbing arts) and are still paying of student loans from grad school, can Sweet Pickles get an AMEN?

Just a few reasons why THIS Republican won't be voting for president this time around

I'm watching tonight's presidential debate (the second one, in Nashville) right now.  For me, this debate has produced more questions than answers:

1.)  Is Gen. David Petraeus the ultimate expert on American foreign policy and security?  I'm not saying whether he is or isn't.  But if he is, why isn't he our nominee???  I don't know much about the General, but I do know this... he couldn't have run any worse of a presidential campaign than the circus Sen. McCain has blundered through for the past year.  If Sen. McCain would like to lose by only a respectable Gore-sized margin (rather than having his ass whooped by a Mondale-sized margin) in the Electoral College, he might want to quit mentioning Petraeus.  Invoking Petraeus so often isn't making McCain himself look any better. 

2.)  Did John McCain actually point a finger-gun at one of the questioners in the town hall?  OH NO HE DIDN'T!!!  Anybody who knows Sweet Pickles well knows that he ain't down with finger-gun pointers.  Or winkers, for that matter.  Do not get me started.  When did my party's ticket's nominees become the ticket of cheese???  It's starting to feel like the Hasselhoff/Lee-Gifford ticket.  Or maybe the Goulet/Baker-Messner ticket.  NOT COOL.

3.)  Did I hear Sen. McCain say something to the effect that "we can't afford on-the-job training"?  Cringe.  Ouch.  Uh, Senator... we forfeited the right to make that particular argument on the day that your seventy-two-year-old self announced your choice for a running mate.  Please quit talking while you're ahead only a little bit behind.

4.)  Could Michelle Obama possibly get any cuter?  On the flip side, did Cindy McCain not get my memo about backing off the bottle-o'-blonde a little bit?  If anything, her hair's gotten worse.  It's now the same color as Santa Claus's.  It's a tragedy, because she's really a pretty woman. 

5.)  Can the candidates not see those dial-o-meter results of the undecided Ohio voters' responses to what they were saying while they're onstage?  Because all the ladies sure were loving what Barak Obama had to say.  Whereas nobody got horned up about anything Sen. McCain had to say.  Including Sweet Pickles.

6.)  When Sen. McCain said that the most important quality in a president was whether or not the American people could 'identify with' the candidate... was it just me, or did that seem to have some ugly undertones?  I actually felt myself wincing.  Whether or not it was intentional, a politician performing at this level should realize how that could possibly sound in the first presidential election in which race is a factor.  For the adoptive father of a non-white child, I would expect Sen. McCain to be more sensitive about how this kind of statement could be interpreted.  As infuriating as I find the gross ineptitude of Sen. McCain's campaign, this is more upsetting.  It makes me wonder, what has this election campaign turned John McCain into?  Of course, winning is important.  But so is how you win.  With only a month left before Election Day, I've given up on waiting for Sen. McCain to inspire me to follow him.

Debate Night

A few fellow instructors and I will take our ESL students to watch tonight's debate on the bigscreen televisions in the Grove.  We'll picnic on blankets wherever we can find space.  Come by and see us if you're on campus tonight.

I've got plans for pre-Debate cocktails, but not for post-Debate cocktails.  What's going on tonight, locals? 

P.S. - I just saw Andrea Mitchell interviewing Gov. Barbour on TV, and they were broadcasting live from the Grove.  It's a bit surreal.  Even more surreal:  the signs being held up by people in the background crowds, that said "Stop AIDS."  I had no idea anybody on our campus even knew what AIDS was.  Now cirrhosis and gonorrhea, that's a combo our student body can wrap their minds (and legs) around!

Is Ramadan a gift-giving occasion?

You know what I want?  For somebody to give Mahmoud Ahmadinejad a damned necktie.  Every time I see this MF on television, he's wearing the standard outfit that prisons issue to male releasees upon their re-entry into society.  If Mahmoud doesn't want to wear the standard black muumuu that mullahs issue to male Iranians, the least he could do is invest in a clip-on if he wants to be taken seriously as a world leader.  Right now I'm watching the replay of his interview on Larry King Live, and to add to his unacceptable appearance, he's got the waist-band of his slacks belted up high, just below his chest, in the style favored by my decidedly un-world-leaderish step-grandmother. God, I miss the Shah!

Part of me still can't believe...

that we're hosting this election cycle's first presidential debate.  Check out this slide show from the New York Times.  It's weird to see these images and recognize the backdrop in each as part of the campus I fell in love with as a graduate student, and where I have worked for the past eight years.  The entire article is worth reading.  I have met Don Cole before, and see him around campus all the time, but had never known about what happened to him.  It makes me like him even more.  As for the OMazing Games mentioned in the article, many of my students participated, of whom one looks likely to get a ticket to the Debate.  Fingers crossed, everybody!

At least there's SOMETHING to like about the 2008 presidential election!

Yesterday afternoon before happy-hour, I managed to catch up with my old friend Jaybird. We had a great phone chat, during which he (an Austin liberal) referred to Governor Palin as a VPILF. Walking down the street on my cell phone, headed to the bar, I laughed hard enough to make people stare.



I wish I'd been clever enough at the time to ask if he agreed with me that both Mrs. Obama and Mrs. McCain would be FLILFs.





Considering that everybody involved in this election cycle (including both candidates, and Senator and Mrs. Biden, and Mr. Palin) are attractive people, Sweet Pickles should be ecstatic. I mean, whoever wins, good looks triumph. I don't know what's wrong with me!

Sweet Pickles' Top 3 Favorite Republican Women Qualified to be Vice-President

I have been hoping against hope that John McCain would chose a woman as his running mate.  Was it Saint Theresa of Avila who wisely said that more tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones?  I'm not sure if it was Theresa or not, but I do know that it was Sweet Pickles who asked this question when L-Ant informed him of the news that broke today:  "Who da f*ck is Sandra Poland?!?!"

What, the Republican ticket wasn't already going to win all of Alaska's 1.25 electoral votes?  Am I missing something here?

I think I've finally figured out what's wrong with the McCain campaign.  I now believe that Senator McCain stopped wanting to become president a few weeks after securing the Republican Party's nomination, but by then, it was too late to pull back.  So, the only way out now is to try to lose the election in order to avoid the White House.  Next week, I expect he'll be caught trying to sneak an eight-ball of cocaine through airport security at Reagan International.  And a few days after that, accusations of sexual misconduct with an underage boy will begin to emerge.  Followed by revelations that he recently sold enriched uranium to Iran, pocketed the money for himself, and used it to pay for the abortions of multiple prostitutes he'd gotten pregnant.

Why not Burma in 2016?

And this is the city that beat out Osaka for the 2008 games.

 

Unfortunately, it looks like only Tokyo, Madrid, Chicago, and Rio de Janeiro are among the final candidates to host the XXXI Olympiad. The IOC must be heartbroken that there's not a single totalitarian candidate to make it to the 'Final 4'. Especially after Magna Carta-loving London beat out Havana and Moscow for the 2012 games.

Oh, really???

Is anyone else tired of having their intelligence insulted?  Yet another reason I'm not watching the Beijing games. 

Yeah! Back to the G7, baby!

My new favorite quote:

"As to choosing, the United States has made very clear that it is standing by the democratically elected government of Georgia," Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Wednesday.

Read the whole story here.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

Have you seen this? "He's the biggest celebrity in the world." Uh, is this the best criticism the McCain campaign has got to throw at Obama right now? That he's popular? That lots of people like him??

Note to the MacArthur Fellows, Nobel Laureates and Rhodes Scholars running the McCain campaign: If Obama's popular, and lots of people like him, that's probably gonna help him get elected. So, should you be using campaign donations to point this out with video footage of energized masses chanting his name? I mean, which team are you on?? Dumbasses. You're starting to make Dole/Kemp '96 look like an effective presidential campaign.

Note to Senator McCain: With all due respect, if "you're John McCain," and "you approved this ad," then I'm even more worried about November. I hope it's just that you're getting some sucky advice. But still. Please give me a better reason to vote for you than Barack Obama's popularity. And start doing that soon. Real soon.

Well, well, well...

Anybody surprised by this?  But you know who disgusts me the most?  The IOC. 

We're doomed.

If this is all that John McCain can think of to talk about less than five months before the election, then we Republicans are about to have our asses handed to us in November.

The country's in the middle of fighting two wars; gas costs over $4.00 per gallon; the value of the U.S. dollar is now closer to Zimbabwe's currency than the euro, the pound, or the yen; I couldn't possibly sell my house for so much as ten dollars in this tanking housing market; and nobody still has a clue where the hell Osama bin Laden is...

and John McCain has time to disapprove of Barack Obama's itinerary in Germany???  Does John McCain want to be president of the United States, or Senator Obama's scheduler?  This just looks ridiculous.  If you're trying to question Obama's patriotism, please don't undermine your own candidacy's credibility to do it.  Sheesh.

Although I was originally interested in Mitt Romney as my party's presidential nominee, I always liked John McCain just fine.  But dumb crap like this makes it very hard to work up much enthusiasm.

You know what reminds me of herpes?

Hillary Clinton's awkward, irritating, and never-ending presidential campaign.