Sweet Pickles

It's gonna be a LONNNG football season.

Here in Lilongwe, we ain't got real good cell phone reception as it is.  But during the past nine months of bliss, I had forgotten what happens when all eighty-five fans of Ye Olde Academic Sweat Shoppe's football team show up in the village at one time and want to use their Jitterbugs to call their whorey granddaughters to meet them for fried chicken at Pawpaw's tent:  nobody who lives up in this biotch can make a cell phone call or send a text message.  If you ever get serious about committing suicide, come here on a home game weekend to do it... you'll never get an ambulance because 911 will never even know.  But hey, it's worth it... how often does your team get to play against the South Carolina State School for the Blind?

L'Shanah Tovah!

Happy 5770! 

Nothing give me goosebumps like the blast of a shofar.  It's an ancient call... the sound that trumpeted down from the top of Mount Sinai, and that brought down the walls of Jericho.  And it's especially powerful inside a synagogue filled with Jews.  Not just two or three Jews, but several hundred assembled together and in prayer-shawls.  P.S. - You know who looks great in his prayer-shawl?  Sweet Pickles.

May you be written and sealed for a good year!

Remember when George W. Bush's father was vice-president?

So, I finally got up in the attic, and managed to find a shoebox with some stuff I could use for tomorrow night's 80s Dance Party/benefit for the local animal shelter. 

Most depressing artifacts: several very 80s old belts that won't fit around my thigh, much less around my waist anymore. 

Most fun artifacts: some random Charlie's Angels collectors' cards (the kind that came in packs with a flat sheet of bubble gum, and have portraits of the Angels or action shots labeled "Jill nabs a crook!" or "Kelly poses as a cop," or "Sabrina cracks the case!").  I don't know how exactly I might use these (because I hate to get rid of them), but I'm thinking of 'trading' them to people who buy me drinks (I'm a slutty lush like that).  Or maybe I'll just carry them in my pocket and flash them to people I wanna get with.  But I'm not sure of of what years the show ran... was it too 70s? 

Most suitable or relevant artifacts (as far as the costume contest is concerned): two Swatch watches (I had many more than that, back in the day), a 'hand-woven' friendship bracelet (in pink and green), a skinny knitted necktie (Ralph Lauren Polo, bitches), my retainer, one of those loops to hook to the arms of your sunglasses (the kind your grandmother has on her bifocals, that were cool for a few minutes at the end of the first Reagan Administration), and an assortment of buttons (the kind you could wear on the lapels of a jacket or the straps of a backpack) reading "Depeche Mode," "Berlin," "I've been slimed" (Ghostbusters), "It's not who you are, it's what you wear," "Do ya think I'm sexy?" "Disco is out, break-dancing is in," (FYI, disco is never out), "I want to be disgustingly rich," and again "Depeche Mode" (FYI, recognize).  If you go tomorrow night, and buy me a drink, I might let you wear one of them for a little while. 

Most nostalgic artifact: the 8-track-to-cassette converter that I got with my first car (one of my mother's cast-offs... an American-made cruise ship that still had an 8-track deck, and could comfortably seat 12 people, which Brad Bagby dubbed "The Nurse" because it was white and solid).  The converter's connectivity was sketchy, so it required a butter knife from my mother's silverware pattern to be inserted along with the converter into the 8-track deck [Do you remember that, Brad Bagby or Wipey?], but it was a necessary evil because you couldn't get Depeche Mode on 8-track! 

Artifacts I need from SweetPickles.typepad.com readers:  a pink button-down oxford cloth shirt and a pair of size-9 deck shoes/boaters.  I want to wear the pink oxford over a green polo shirt (collar turned up), and my skinny knitted Polo necktie over it.  Of course I will also be rocking 'pegged' cuffs on my pants, but have no era-appropriate footwear.  Or, if you don't have either of these items, I'll settle for this shirt:

Additionally, I also need someone to sub my Friday morning classes, so that Sweet Pickles can get crunk on Thursday night!  Hook a brother UP!  Meet me there at 8:00pm tomorrow, even if you don't want to do the trivia contest... that way we can get a buzz in the parking lot on Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers before the ass-shaking starts at 9:00pm!

I need a Sun Dome already!

Life here in the Magnolia State frequently reminds this Texan of The Long Rain (a favorite short story by Ray Bradbury), and not in a good way.  As I've said time and time again, it's like living in Seattle or London, but without all the fun, excitement, and interesting things to do.

The summer my youth died...

never seems to end.  Is this what every generation goes through, all at once like that?  What scares me the most is that almost every pop cultural icon to die this summer has been younger than my parents.  Although I probably would never have described myself as an actual fan, I found this tribute video montage of great scenes from Patrick Swayze's movies a positive reminder of his career. 

Really?

Of America's twelve coolest college towns, most of this story's criteria would seem to disqualify us...  bicycles seem to outnumber cars, affordable restaurants serve up authentic cuisines from all around the world, nature is usually accentuated, performing arts abound, etc. 

Of course, part of me feels flattered that Ye Olde Academic Sweat Shoppe's town is the only SEC member to be included, but can our modest hamlet really be said to offer experiences comparable to those in places like Chapel Hill or Madison?  Maybe my insider's perspective is preventing me from seeing the forest for the trees.  As an undergrad, there was a lot about The Capital of Texas that drove me crazy sometimes (the traffic, the militant political correctness, the cult of the intentionally unattractive, etc.), and made my grad school's town seem like a welcome breath-of-fresh-air, but comparing our remote village to Austin seems a bit audacious. 

It's not that I'm worried about misleading outsiders with overly rosey impressions (and hey, we can always use the positive press to attract more cool people here).  I think it's the crotchety old grandpaw in me that doesn't want to give undeserved bragging rights to those of our students who will never have reason to visit places like Ann Arbor, Charlottesville, and Boulder.  Not that Sweet Pickles has been to all of these towns.  But I do have lots of friends who have lived in each (and many other cool college towns not on this list) who are fervently-devoted former residents in love with those places.  But, they've all adjusted well, and seem relatively happy here.  So maybe I'm just a grass-is-always-greener kind of guy. 

D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game: Question #28

Let's welcome Erin to Music Slutdom!

One-Night Stand -
Frenchie (Lil' Kim)
Erin (Stevie Nicks)

Booty-Calls -
JustJess (Vanilla Ice, Sade)
M-Shan (Bobby Brown, Sheena Easton)

Homewreckers -
Nobody is currently busting up marriages.

Sex Addicts Anonymous -
Maribeth (Sugar Hill Gang, Peaches, Cake, Rick Springfield)

Putting the REAL in Venereal -
D-Hug (Duran Duran, After the Fire, Young MC, Manfred Mann's Earth Band, Prince, The Clash)
Brad Bagby (Marky Mark, Prince, Human League, Band Aid, Madonna)
Yankee Librarian (Dolly Parton, Violent Femmes, Fiona Apple, Nick Lowe, Juice Newton)

Warning:  One-hit wonders are hard!

What activity is not required for you and I to have a good time while drinking cherry wine?

Fun with Americans!

Off and on this weekend, I've been grading (or rather, commenting on), and been getting a great deal of pleasure from, an assignment that my beginning-level students' did last week.  In response to a chapter in our textbook about American names, I created a little activity in which each student would have to go out and interview five Americans about their names.  At the time, I had no idea of the great responses this would yield, but will definitely be trying this again in future classes!

Each student had to pose these three questions to five different Americans, and note their answers on a little chart:  What is your first name?  What is the meaning of that name?  Why did your parents choose that name?  In particular, the responses my students reported for the third question (about reasons) were either fun, baffling, or downright cool.  I'm curious to find out what my students' thoughts were!  Here's a sampling...

Why did your parents choose that name?

Charles - "have no idea"
Joshua- "his father is pastor"
Marlon - "named after Jackson 5 member"
Brandy - "her father like wine"
Tiffany - "parents are lazy"
[several respondents] - "grandmother's maiden name"
Britny - "named after an eighties rock band named Britny Foxx"
Haley - "Italy hero"
Tyler - "alcoholics"
Jacob - "God told to parents"

A New Look?

Are ya feelin' it?

If you're like Sweet Pickles, you hate to mess with a classic but also have a short attention span.  After a year and a half, is it time for SweetPickles.typepad.com to get a makeover?  And if so, should this be it?  What do y'all think?  Let a Pickle know!

A.)  This is like New Coke, don't mess with what works!
B.)  Hellz yeah, your new look is giving me feelings I've never felt before (call me)!
C.)  Yeah, it's time to shake things up, but this is not the look you should be going for... try again!