Sweet Pickles

06 December 2009

D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game: Question #38

One-Night Stand -
Erin (Stevie Nicks)
A-Ev (Jermaine Stewart)
L-Shep (Elton John)

Booty-Calls -
JustJess (Vanilla Ice, Sade)
M-Shan (Bobby Brown, Sheena Easton)

Homewreckers - Nobody is currently busting up marriages.

Sex Addicts Anonymous -
Frenchie (Lil' Kim, Eminem, House of Pain, The Knack)

Putting the REAL in Venereal -
Yankee Librarian (Dolly Parton, Violent Femmes, Fiona Apple, Nick Lowe, Juice Newton, Styx, Duran Duran, Van Halen)
D-Hug (Duran Duran, After the Fire, Young MC, Manfred Mann's Earth Band, Prince, The Clash)
Brad Bagby (Marky Mark, Prince, Human League, Band Aid, Madonna, The Gap Band)
Maribeth (Sugar Hill Gang, Peaches, Cake, Rick Springfield, Scandal)

Riddle me this:

Unlike the others, you'll do anything. Why aren't you the same?

Posted at 05:22 PM in D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game, Music | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

It's that time of the semester again!

Over at Rate Your Students, they've got their own version of the end-of-the-semester course evaluation that students complete. Here's to the end of the semester, and wishing everyone a whining-free Final Exams Week!

1. What was the most awesome thing about this semester?

Wikipedia
Ugg boots and shorts
That time Kevin got sooo wasted and we convinced him to pull a bong filled with his own vomit
Coach rote my essaie's
Making videos of myself and my stuffed animals and posting them on youtube, where only my friends can see them, right?

2. What was the most major bummer this semester?

Unexpected death of beloved grandparent/pet just before/after Thanksgiving break
Realizing that in college, "A" does not stand for "Average"
that time my roommate accidentally unplugged my printer and im like sooo not good with computers so i couldnt fix it and then when i went to the lab the computer wasn't working i think it had like a virus or something so i couldnt print my paper and then i lost my usb with like alllll my work on it and the professor thought i was like making it up and im like wtf?
Gonorrhea

3. Please rank the following alternative syllabus formats, in the order in which you'd be likely to read them:

txt msg
bar mat
retinal implant
vid-shizzle
trampstamp on the front-row skank

4. Your Facebook friend request to the professor was motivated by:

loneliness
OCD
pity
sycophancy
genuine desire to share a hot-tub (please specify phone number: )

5. Do these tan slacks make my ass look big?

Yes
No
Who wears slacks anyway?

6. Would you tap it anyway?

Yes
No
Only if you back dat shit up

Posted at 02:12 PM in crotchety old grandpaw | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

05 December 2009

Andy Williams is a Liar!

I might have mentioned this before, but I hate winter. Despite the scenic snowscapes or images of coziness peddled by advertisers, there's nothing pretty about it. Not my legs or arms, which haven't felt the sun in months (and it shows). Not my growing ass, which, as the temperatures drop, holds on to every single calorie I take in.

Winter is also an expensive time-suck. And I ain't just talking about the holidays. I have to wash triple the amount of bulky-ass laundry each week. I have to buy more chapsticks every time I go grocery shopping. And on and on.

I'm already tired of dreading my morning shower. I'm already tired of waiting for the car to defrost in the morning. I'm already tired of taking off and putting on jackets and coats several times a day. I'm already tired of spending every minute indoors. And we're barely into December yet.

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," my ass!

Posted at 07:37 PM in oh hell no (a.k.a., I'm not having it) | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The 1st Episode of MTV's "Jersey Shore"

I missed the premiere, but was lucky to stumble across a replay!

The unexplained contradiction of the show is how much whores hate other whores. Apparently on the Jersey Shore, there is no camaraderie among sluts.

After watching the first episode, here's what I've learned about what young Italian-Americans like and dislike (and each item applies to both the male AND female members of the cast)...

LIKES - Sunglasses at night. Calling each other bro (in the year 2009). Talking with food in your mouth. The word "vibe" as a verb. Using black shoe polish for hair coloring. Fist pumping. The manicures preferred by pornstars. Making out in public.

DISLIKES - Haters. Fidelity in relationships. Anything that covers their nipples in public.

Posted at 01:59 PM in Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Just a Quick List for Early Saturday Morning

(Yes, 10:25am constitutes 'early'.)

Good news: Snackbar can make my new favorite drink, vodka gimlets. Bad news: Snackbar can make my new favorite drink, vodka gimlets.

Last night's dream: I was drinking the soft drink 7-Up and delighted to discover there were real chunks of actual lemon and lime in it, then pissed off when I woke up this morning and realized it was only a dream.

Today's testimony to the suckitude of new music in 2009: The last 4 artists in my download history from iTunes = Bryan Ferry, Donna Summer, Romeo Void, and Prokofiev. As some slut (M-Shan? L-Hane?) recently asked, isn't it about time that Justin Timberlake brought something back again?

Question 1: Anyone up for a late lunch at the Turkish place later? Sext me if you're interested and we'll get a plan together.

Question 2: Anyone got any ideas why there's a post-it note that says "SLUTS 4 FREEDOM" inside my freezer?

-FIN-

Posted at 10:23 AM in a little local flavor for ya, Food and Drink, Music | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

04 December 2009

Kaja! Soh bah! Yalla! Vamos! Ikimasho!

That's how you say "Come on! Let's go!" in Korean, Chinese, Arabic, Spanish, and Japanese. I've said it so much over the past three months that all 13 of my students can recite them in unison.

It's the last day of classes, and I am an emotional wreck! Eleven of my babies are leaving after final exams next week, and one of the returnees will be advancing to the next level when we come back in January. When I think back to this summer, and how down I was on the idea of teaching Beginners again, I could kick myself. This group has been the most satisfying language class that I have ever taught. Almost every day was magical, and the fact that I got through a whole semester without wanting to slap a single one of them is a first for me.

For our last hour together, I took one student's previous suggestion for us to do a 'circle writing' together. So, I found three photos of each student from this past semester (plus our big class picture of the whole group) and printed them off together nice cardstock. In class, our final written assignment was to write a nice memory about each person on the pack of his or her sheet. This took AN HOUR (because the female students have feelings, and need to express them). I didn't want to read their messages to each other, but as I circulated around the classroom, I couldn't help but notice this one:

"Dear Pablo, on first day we got our desks you sitted too near to me. I liked it. Thank you, Minako"

Afterward, we took our final group picture together (when I get home later, I'll try to remember to go back and upload the photo). Then, several of the students asked me to do my dance moves for them one last time (apparently, I dance in class a lot more than I ever realized). One Japanese girl said, "Thank you for dancing for us, Sweet Pickles!" And I said, "Thank you for recognizing!"

Posted at 12:55 PM in fun with foreigners | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

03 December 2009

Could I possibly love her any more than I already do?

Hanukkah came early for Sweet Pickles, in the form of DR-Rob. At the Tasting Society's annual holiday party last night, there was a 'Dirty Santa' (euhhhhh!) gift exchange. Sweet Pickles left with the present he stole from P-Rut and D-Hug (suckas!): four 40-oz. bottles of Colt 45 Malt Liquor (and a set of beer glasses, but who cares about that shit when 40s are involved?)! And the badass who bought it, wrapped it up, and brought it, was none other then DR-Rob (my hero)! My goal in life is to be just half that cool when I'm her age.

While everyone else was going for the lameass gifts-of-booze, Sweet Pickles had his eyes on the prize. I keep it real, bitches! I'll be saving them until the night of my birthday, at which time I will be tipping a 40 to my homies. Since I only have four, the first three readers to arrive at my house before dinner on the 12th will be able to tip a 40 to their homies with me. Otherwise, I'll see ya at the club, chumps!

Posted at 11:53 PM in a little local flavor for ya, oh hell yeah (a.k.a., I'm all horned up about it) | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

If there's one thing the past 2 weeks have taught me...

it's that people's parents loved gettin' it ON for Valentine's Day. Everyone I know had a birthday during the last two weeks of November [apparently, St. Patrick's Day is what really put Daddy Pickles and Mama Pickles in the mood for sexy times]. Late November was TRAZY. But the traziest was the birthday party we had for T-War at the Casa de Pickles. For some idea of how we do it at Casa de Pickles, here are a few pics. I hope those who were in attendance will be fully recovered by December 12th, in time to party your d*cks off at Sweet Pickles' own birthday whoirée... at 'the club,' bitches!

It ain't a par-tay without Texas-shaped tortilla chips (imported from the Promised Land).

The Circle of Death, used to play the new game I invented called "T-War Charades" (FYI, I am awesome).

The greatest birthday cake EVER. I don't know which I like more... the wishes I wrote in icing, or the candles I bought (bitch is OLD!).

Posted at 09:35 PM in a little local flavor for ya | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

02 December 2009

This just in!

Brad Bagby just sent me an email, which he subject-lined "Our favorite bulimic has another secret...", and contained this link.

Of all the cast members from Family Ties, I would have guessed Tina Yothers. Who knew? I'm just glad that our girl MBB gots a lady-friend to help her pull her hair back after dinner every night.

Posted at 03:18 PM in Television | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

01 December 2009

"Gov. Huckabee, you have a call from Gov. Dukakis on line two."

In recent media coverage of the killings of four police officers in Washington, the tangential issue that has piqued my interest has been the oblique culpability of former presidential contender Mike Huckabee. Who knew that Southern Baptist preachers turned Republican governors of Arkansas were such soft-on-crime liberals? If there were any justice, Huckabee's political aspirations would have been the only casualty inside that coffee shop near Tacoma.

In this NYTimes story, this particular quote took my breath away:

Robert Herzfeld, then the prosecuting attorney of Saline County, wrote a letter to Governor Huckabee in January 2004, saying his policy on clemency was “fatally flawed” and suggesting that he should announce specific reasons for granting clemency. Mr. Huckabee’s chief aide on clemency wrote back: “The governor read your letter and laughed out loud. He wanted me to respond to you. I wish you success as you cut down on your caffeine consumption.”

Wait, what? I interpret this episode as evidence that Huckabee was an elected official who felt above explaining or justifying his official actions, which I find even more alarming than his poor judgment. The f*cking audacity! I realize that these were the words of an aide, rather than the clemency-happy governor himself, but a spokesperson cannot be so flippant without at least the tacit support of his or her boss. What I want now is for Nancy Grace to track down Gov. Huckabee's former chief aid on clemency, and bring him on her emotional rollercoaster of a show, along with the spouses and children of the four slain police officers, and ask the MF to read aloud from his old letter to the Saline County prosecutor. And then I want Nancy to book Mike Huckabee on her show for the next night, play a clip of that interaction between his former aide and the families of the victims, and follow up with questions about his plans for New Hampshire and Iowa in 2012.

Thus far, Gov. Suckabee's only public response (a statement from his PR team posted on his PAC's website) has been to characterize the situation as "the result of a series of failures in the criminal justice system in both Arkansas and Washington State." If so, 50% of that failure happened on your watch. And clemency, more so than any executive power that I can think of, is a gubernatorial prerogative in which the buck stops right at your desk.

From such a believer in second chances and in the redemptive powers of repentance, still no signs of contrition. I, for one, am still awaiting a public apology. And at this point in time, I feel that nothing less than sackcloth, ashes, and self-flagellation will do.

Posted at 11:13 PM in Current Affairs, oh hell no (a.k.a., I'm not having it) | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

28 November 2009

Fun Tips from Sweet Pickles

At some level, I guess I've always understood that you should couple the things you hate to do with something you enjoy, to make the task more pleasurable. For example, when I have to do laundry or unload and load the dishwasher, I crank up the jamz and shake my ass. Well, today I stumbled upon a combo that I can't believe I hadn't already thought of: housecleaning + daytime boozing! My house doesn't look too great, but the cleaning process was much less painful than usual. You should try it.

The reverse of this process (i.e., separating an enjoyable activity from a bad habit) is what smoking-cessation counselors suggest. It, too, is effective. For example, if you're a smoker who enjoys a cigarette at the same time you're having a cup of coffee, allow yourself to continue both activities, just not concurrently. Or, if you're a smoker like Sweet Pickles, who enjoys sexing on strangers while you've got a lit cigarette, slow down. Tell people, "Yeah, I'm down with OPP... I just need to finish this cigarette first."

Posted at 07:04 PM in my new favorite thing | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

27 November 2009

Thanksgiving Recap

Another spectacular Thanksgiving was enjoyed by over 30 people at M-Lern's and N-Rif's 5th Annual Family-Free Thanksgiving. For Sweet Pickles, it was an all-day (noon to 11:00pm) affair.

Many traditions were observed again this year...

Sweet Pickles (and R-Fuen) arrived first.
Small kitchen fires resulted from attempts to 'light' the hot buttered rum in the skull mugs (although this year's inferno was by far the largest).
J-Miz spent the hours prepping and cooking throughout the day.
N-Man completed and addressed all of his holiday greeting cards for next month, while the group socializes around him.
Gli italiani from Santa Barbara never disappoint, and always bring the fun.
A lot of football was watched.
A lot of booze was consumed.
A lot of great food was feasted upon.

As always, it was great to spend the holiday with old friends and new. This is why Thanksgiving is, hands down, my favorite holiday here in town. To miss it would give me the sads!

Posted at 03:31 PM in a little local flavor for ya | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

25 November 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow at noon, I'm off to M-Lern's and N-Rif's annual Thanksgiving celebration. It's an all-day affair, to which Sweet Pickles is traditionally the first to arrive (and near the last to leave). I have always enjoyed Thanksgiving (the meal is probably my all-time favorite food), but have really come to look forward to it more than usual, ever since M-Lern and N-Rif have been opening their richass house to a crowd of anywhere from 25 to 40 friends. Since I'll be headed to some daytime boozing relatively early, I figured I'd take this opportunity to wish everyone a very ...

Posted at 06:18 PM in a little local flavor for ya | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

24 November 2009

Keepin' it posi!

This NYTimes story about an interfaith initiative gave me the warm-fuzzies. Granted, the three religious leaders are a Reform Jew, a Congregationalist, and a Sufi (I'll feel even better when Hasidim, Southern Baptists, and Wahhabis are able to do this together). And the Debbie Downer in me wonders what is wrong with the Abrahamic religions that they are the only major world faiths that need this kind of dialogue? (The Dharmic religions never seem to have that much trouble with each other or the rest of the world.) Still, the Pollyanna in me will take it!

Posted at 07:32 PM in Current Affairs, get your learn on | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Pending Friend-Request #65

From an early-morning exchange with Wipey. Cross-file this under "People Are Dumb" and "That's Just Sad'...

Sweet Pickles: Who da f*ck is A-- F------ S---? The name sounds kinda like one of those who went to middle school in [our hometown] but moved away well before we made it to high school, right? Regardless, if she and I have ZERO friends in common on Facebook, how da f*ck did she find me? I mean, how can I possibly have made such an impression on her at age 11 that, almost three decades later she gets on Facebook one day and thinks, “I wonder what that kid from the junior high school I used to go to for a little while is doing these days?” Or, am I totally off here? Do you have any recollection to jog my memory?

Wipey: I think you are right. I think she was a choir dork who was really tall and had brown hair. That's all that I remember about her! I don't even think she finished jr. high with us. I got a friend request from S---- C------ yesterday. I think it will sit for awhile... Talk to you soon.

Sweet Pickles: This feels like stalking (and not in a sexy way). My emerging hypothesis: If you didn't finish college, you probably aren't going to understand the purpose or function of social networking sites. Maybe I need to blog about my new hypothesis!

P.S. - I've got one from S---- C------ too. Has either of us ever even spoken to S---- C------? I mean, even once? EVER?? What's wrong with people?

Wipey: such good questions...and what this hell is Sweet Pickles doing awake before 7 am??

Sweet Pickles: I know, right? And I have the week off, so I'm even more baffled by my early wakefulness!!

ADDENDUM (from a separate message):

A-- F------ S---: hey [Sweet Pickles] you may not rember me buti went to school with you from the 3rd grade till tenth its me a-- f------ saw your prfile and wantedto say hello and catch up hope yo rember

[SIDE NOTE: Since I changed my hometown on my Facebook profile to Beverly Hills, California, how can she have "seen my profile" without a specific name search. And what on earth would she and I have to "catch up" on if she left our school district circa 1985 and I don't have enough recollections to even identify her?]

Posted at 07:06 PM in things I don't get, Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Bring on the retro booze!

This year, our local Tasting Society's holiday party (next month, at L-Ant's) has a Mad Men-inspired '60s theme. I'm excited about the drink possibilities, and anticipate that many of the beverages to be sampled will be similar to the Governor and the Duchess (minus the pickled-beet garnish so fancied now by the generation who were actually drinking cocktails during the JFK- and LBJ-years). If I had the money, I'd probably costume it up with something from Original Penguin by Munsingwear (Hanukkah/birthday gift ideas?).

Since I'll most likely be going costume-less, I figure I'll try to bring something to eat that is true to the time period. With that in mind, I phoned Mama Pickles and asked her to send my grandmother's recipe for a gelatin dessert salad that is still one of my faves. To certify its authenticity, Mama Pickles informed me that she used the recipe as part of her final project in her Home Ec class in 1963, and got an A+ with it. How authentic is that?!?!

Thinking about the upcoming party reminded me of this Mad Men spoof. It's worth reposting one more time. It makes me want to get cozy in the Catskills and watch the Eichmann trial!

Posted at 05:05 PM in a little local flavor for ya, Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

23 November 2009

LouLou is 27 again!

Posted at 02:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

22 November 2009

Nikon Advertising: FAIL

Have you seen Nikon's latest commercial featuring Ashton Kutcher? I can't find a video to embed, but it's the one in which he appears to be crashing some event at an art gallery. Within the 30-second spot, we see Asston Kooch-hair act like the snickering bully on a junior high school field trip to a museum, physically harassing some stereotypical artsy dude, rolling his eyes condescendingly at some stereotypical artsy chick, and snatching another guy's pocket square and using it to dust off his camera lens and then stuffing it back in the guy's pocket. I don't get the whole premise. If Asston is so above art exhibits, WTF is he doing there all dressed up? Is he supposed to be Punk'ing the gallery? All I can say for sure about this commercial is that it's making me NOT want to buy a Nikon Toolpix Coolpix camera.

Posted at 09:09 PM in art with a capital 'A', crotchety old grandpaw, Television, things I don't get | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

"I'm Reba!"

"...but as usual we ended up f*ckin'..."

Posted at 04:22 PM in in case you missed this on SNL | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

You know whose asses I'm gonna kick?

The Lennon Sisters'. Apparently, they'll be performing live somewhere in the area (a nursing home, I'm guessing), on behalf of the local PBS affiliate, which is why they're on my television every hour. Either this performance needs to hurry the hell up and get over with, or Sweet Pickles is gonna hafta stop watching PBS. I can't take it anymore.

Posted at 10:16 AM in oh hell no (a.k.a., I'm not having it), Television | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

21 November 2009

Really? Seriously... really???

Here's what's going on at Ye Olde Academic Sweat Shoppe today...

This is just one of many powerful images captured by our reporter-on-the-scene, M-Add (see more on her Facebook page). In case this looks too much like a bad flashback, let me date this photograph for you: TODAY.

Part of me (the negative part, that has anger-management issues) feels like our campus wouldn't be a magnet for this kind of lunacy if we had already tried to address these issues in a thoughtful way decades ago (like the rest of the country). That part of me wants to take this picture and rub it in the face of the Ice-Chest Manifesto Person, screaming, "Look! This is what your attitudes invite onto our campus during a nationally-televised football game. Is the Klan what you have in mind every time you chant 'The South will rise again'? Because, in the oblique language of dog whistles, that is exactly what these strap-ons are hearing. Now go on up there and stand with your costumed compatriots, and get your picture taken, MF. I'll play From Dixie with Love on my boom-box, and you get your boys ready to holler your little chant at the end." Is it just me, or are any other locals ready for this football season to be over already?

The less jaded part of me figures that it's better for our campus to be having these discussions now than never. And it's encouraging that this 'rally' doesn't appear to have mustered even a dozen Klan members, and according to M-Add, was heckled by football fans from both schools and lasted less than 10 minutes.
So, that part of me will try to keep it posi.

P.S. - From my back porch, I can see a blimp in the sky.

Posted at 03:53 PM in a little local flavor for ya, oh hell no (a.k.a., I'm not having it) | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBack (0)

20 November 2009

This gives me the sads.

Half of my favorite couple in postmodern art, Jeanne-Claude, has died. Her obituary in the NYTimes includes a nice slideshow. I feel like the world will be less filled with wonder :(

If you've never seen the documentary about hers and Christo's Umbrellas project, I recommend it highly. It's exciting, humorous, touching, and awe-inspiring. And Jeanne-Claude's sass is definitely the star of the documentary.

In her honor, here are my Top 3 favorite projects by Christo and Jeanne-Claude...

Running Fence. 1976. Sonoma and Marin Counties, California.

Surrounded Islands. 1983. Biscayne Bay, Florida.

Umbrellas. 1991. A joint project in Tejon Pass, California (pictured above) and Ibaraki, Japan.

Posted at 10:15 PM in art with a capital 'A', top 3 lists of Sweet Pickles' favorites | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Friday Wrap-Up

Got assy last night for R-Fuen's birthday at T-War's house. Sluts have GOT to stop having shit on Tuesday or Thursday evenings... why can't more weeknight boozing be happening on Monday or Wednesday evenings, when Sweet Pickles ain't gotta teach until 4:00pm the next day? You know Sweet Pickles can't say no, so it's kinda unfair to keep making him get drunk the night before a 3-hour class at 9:00am. Shame on you! At least my liver wasn't alone in its misery this morning. By the time I headed into the classroom, I still hadn't seen JustJess (which is rare). N-Lope rolled in with a pint of Gatorade. Pointing at my bloodshot eyes, I asked him, "How do you like my eyeballs?" He replied, "How do you like my voice? I sound like a funeral director."

On a test in my American Culture class, there was a question that said America's capital city is named after __________, who was the first president of the United States. Six of the thirteen students (not including the group's single Spanish-speaker) wrote "Jorge Washington." I suspect that the spelling confusion came from a Mexican student in our program, whose name is Jorge but calls himself by the English version (George) in his classes. I think many of my students know him as George, but see his name written as Jorge. Regardless, I got tickled thinking of Georges Bush fils, Wilhelm Clinton, Giorgio Bush il Vecchio, Ronaldo Reagan, etc.

In case you haven't been keeping up with Shit My Dad Says recently, I think I might like Uncle Bob as much as Justin's father.

Uh, where the hell has Will Cooley Fan Club been lately? If this hiatus is some coy ploy to leave 'em wantin' more, it's working. Sweet Pickle is jonesing!

Frenchie sent me the second trailer for Jersey Shore (below), which I hadn't seen. I'll leave you with this: "I don't have to do what I don't wanna do. I'm a bartender. I do, you know, great things."

Posted at 07:27 PM in a little local flavor for ya, favorite quotes, fun with foreigners, Television, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

The internets just got a little more awesome.

Shrinker is starting her own blog, Just Jess! I imagine that most of Sweet Pickles' readers would also be down with her program, so you should totally check it out.

Posted at 06:28 PM in a little local flavor for ya, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

17 November 2009

CANNOT. WAIT.

I just saw the promo for MTV's new show Jersey Shore. Based on the title alone, I was already halfway sold. The promo (below) sealed the deal. I realize that this probably won't appeal to most sane people, but for some sluts (I'm looking at you, B-Whit, L-Hane, A-Ev), this totally seems like our kind of show!

Should we get together to watch the premiere on December 3rd? Since I own the most tanning products, have the largest sweat rings, and still have leftover hair gel (from when I had prickly hair), I guess my own house seems the most appropriate. All sluts invited! Anyone down? Let me know, and maybe we can set up a little somethin' somethin'... I'll bring the Valtrex!

Posted at 10:09 PM in oh hell yeah (a.k.a., I'm all horned up about it), Television | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBack (0)

Speaking of awareness...

Frenchie just sent me this jewel from The Onion. It reminded her of the story of mine and Brad Bagby's old 'Meta-Awareness Campaign'. Of course, at the time, that wasn't what we called it... back in college, I'm not sure that either of us knew what meta meant.

Anyhoo... shortly after I graduated from college, Brad and T-Bagg and I attended a friend's backyard keg party. It was in the town of our state's party school, which also had the state's highest reported rates of STDs (a.k.a., Brad's alma mater, natch). We were only attending the party as a favor to a friend, who begged us to accompany her. We were bored, didn't know anybody there, and therefore didn't care how drunk we got or if we made asses of ourselves. What was weird about this particular party, and what was annoying both Brad and me, was the number of people using words like "awareness" at a keg party in the state's STD capital. So, we decided to start messing with posers. Without any pre-planning, forethought, or prior consultation, Wonder Twin powers were activated, in the form of indignant hipster activists. And once we got in the zone, there was no stopping this tag-team.

We started telling other guests about our campaign to raise awareness about awareness. As we bemoaned the lack awareness of awareness, people were eager to get on board, even though they weren't quite sure what we were doing. They wanted to know more. We condescendingly hinted that their inability to grasp what we were doing was a symptom of the problem. People needed to become more aware of being aware... it's as simple as that. But perhaps their tradition-bound worldviews couldn't allow them to see that. At one point, as we continued drinking all their beer, I think I might have suggested that they couldn't really wrap their minds around it because they hadn't gone to school in Austin (which, among these wannabes, had an effect similar to mentioning your recent trip to Jerusalem among devout Jews, Christians, or Muslims). The guests were so earnest in their desire to understand our awareness-of-awareness campaign that only one person had the balls to cast doubt (although hesitantly) on our bullshit. No one else wanted to risk seeming unaware, or worse, indifferent to awareness. When the single hesitant doubter raised a reasonable question, Brad lashed out with passion. Something to the effect of, "Don't try to impose your oppressive mindset on us! Just because you are unable to think outside the box doesn't mean the rest of us have to march in lockstep with your corporate values!" Further debate was silenced. For the rest of the night, as we drained their beer resources, we were the Buddhas of Suburbia!

Posted at 09:34 PM in stories | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

The Ice-Chest Manifesto Person strikes again!

With no explanation or context, here's the latest mobile upload to Facebook from the ICMP:

Does anyone recognize these cards? I mean, are they part of some kind of board-game like Scattegories or Pictionary that I've never seen before? Coming on the heels of the photo of his "The South will rise again" cooler, I'm wondering if I should notify the Southern Poverty Law Center, or whoever tracks hate groups. Is this as bad as it looks, or is it just that we have a harmless but completely unaware dimwit on our hands? Is it time for a de-friending? Vote now!

Posted at 08:53 PM in a little local flavor for ya, things I don't get, you decide | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Before we empty the Louvre and the Met and the British Museum...

This piece in the NYTimes challenges our recent, often naive, assumptions that all antiquities should be repatriated to the modern governments currently ruling over the geographic region from which the artifacts and art objects originally emerged. Whether I agree with them or not, some arguments for repatriation are reasoned and not without merit (e.g., Athens' call for the Elgin Marbles). However, too often, I find the nationalist demands emanating from places like Cairo, Rome, and Ankara to be cynical, and the tactics to be extortionary. Before we empty the Louvre and the Met and the British Museum, I want some assurance that their contents can be properly preserved and protected (how's that for alliteration?), and that the world's access to them will be reasonably easy and safe. For example, in light of the Luxor massacre, I'm not all that eager about the idea of the Nofretete Bust leaving Berlin for Egypt. And if the Secretary General of the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities is antisemitic, then I'm even less eager about it.

Posted at 08:37 PM in art with a capital 'A', Current Affairs, get your learn on | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

16 November 2009

What a great interview!

On PBS right now, I'm watching Charlie Rose's interview with Melinda Gates, and I'm totally impressed. And upon googling her, am proud to learn that she's a Texan! I'm a bit surprised I hadn't ever known more about her, or what's she's doing. The more I listen to her, the more I find myself asking, "When is she going to run for president???"

Posted at 11:45 PM in Current Affairs, get your learn on, Television | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Music for Smart People

On Facebook, T-War just posted NPR's The Decade's 50 Most Important Recordings. Of these, Sweet Pickles owns exactly four:

Crazy In Love, Paper Planes, Toxic, and Rehab.

In summary: If he can't shake his ass to it, Sweet Pickles don't need it.

Posted at 07:53 PM in Music | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

Just a sweet little memory.

Watching an interview about the American automobile industry on the News Hour with Jim Lehrer, I had a flashback to an exchange I witnessed/overheard a decade ago, and it made me laugh again.

Years ago when I worked for the Japanese, I was in the backseat of a rental car headed from Orange County to Malibu. One of my bosses, Nakajima-san, was the driver (because he lived in Santa Monica), and my other boss, Ueda-san, was riding shotgun. They were conversing in rapid-fire Japanese, and I had long since given up trying to follow along. After a while, the weather started drizzling lightly. Nakajima-san began fumbling around, but was having difficulty engaging the windshield wipers on the rental car. Ueda-san began advising him on which buttons to try.

Frustration increased as they were unable to figure out the windshield wipers. After a couple of minutes of agitation, they located the illogically-placed control, only to determine that the windshield wipers were not operational. And I began paying attention to the conversation again...

Nakajima-san: [hissing] "Beikoku no kuruma... baka ie!" ("American cars... worthless!")

Ueda-san: "Mochiron." ("Of course.")

Sweet Pickles: [leaning forward from the backseat] "Vice President, did you just say that American cars are stupid?"

Nakajima-san: "Your Japanese is improving, Junior Apprentice Pickles."

Sweet Pickles: [turning to Ueda-san] "Senior Division Manager, did you just agree with Vice President that American cars are stupid?"

Ueda-san: "I also agree that your Japanese is improving."

Sweet Pickles: "Thank you, but why won't y'all answer my question about American cars?"

Ueda-san: "We did."

Sweet Pickles: "HA!!!"

Those two are also who, indirectly, taught me the word p*ssy in Japanese, one time when we were shopping for go-carts. They were snickering like elementary school kids because the American manufacturer's name was Manco. (And there you have it.)

Ueda-san passed away around the time I moved here. Nakajima-san retired and moved to Kamakura. I miss them both.

Posted at 07:24 PM in japanophilia, stories | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBack (0)

15 November 2009

D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game: Question #37

Slutty McSlutterson has been racing up the charts!

One-Night Stand -
Erin (Stevie Nicks)
A-Ev (Jermaine Stewart)
L-Shep (Elton John)

Booty-Calls -
JustJess (Vanilla Ice, Sade)
M-Shan (Bobby Brown, Sheena Easton)

Homewreckers - Nobody is currently busting up marriages.

Sex Addicts Anonymous -
Frenchie (Lil' Kim, Eminem, House of Pain, The Knack)

Putting the REAL in Venereal -
Yankee Librarian (Dolly Parton, Violent Femmes, Fiona Apple, Nick Lowe, Juice Newton, Styx, Duran Duran)
D-Hug (Duran Duran, After the Fire, Young MC, Manfred Mann's Earth Band, Prince, The Clash)
Brad Bagby (Marky Mark, Prince, Human League, Band Aid, Madonna, The Gap Band)
Maribeth (Sugar Hill Gang, Peaches, Cake, Rick Springfield, Scandal)

Riddle me this:

In what country is it appropriate to reach down between your legs, and ease the seat back?

Posted at 10:57 PM in D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game, Music | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

13 November 2009

Grow up.

On Facebook, I noticed that someone I vaguely know but never see (and who is real close to getting de-friended) posted this picture of his ice chest/cooler with the status update "Ready for the Grove!"

As an instructor at Ye Olde Academic Sweat Shoppe, I'm astonished that the only issue that will fire up our student body (and in this case, recent graduates) is this kind of hyperlocal navel-gazing. As a proud Southerner myself, I'm confounded by this whole TSWRA ("The South will rise again!") chant, and idiots' passionate attachment to it. Dudes... you're showing your asses, and embarrassing the rest of us. Not only do you sound ignorant and/or insensitive... you sound impotent. Whenever I hear this chant, what I want to know is: "WHEN?!?!?" If this is what you think you want, then what are you waiting for, bitches? The return of Elijah? (FYI, he ain't gonna do it for ya.) After almost a century and a half of waiting, I guess you've forgotten how well the South's rising worked out the first time around. Put up or shut up, MFs! But to answer my own question as to when: the South will never rise above its current status so long as we're pulled back by this kind of asininity.

Posted at 01:23 PM in a little local flavor for ya, things I don't get | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

12 November 2009

D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game: Question #36

One-Night Stand -
Erin (Stevie Nicks)
A-Ev (Jermaine Stewart)
L-Shep (Elton John)

Booty-Calls -
JustJess (Vanilla Ice, Sade)
M-Shan (Bobby Brown, Sheena Easton)

Homewreckers -
Frenchie (Lil' Kim, Eminem, House of Pain)

Sex Addicts Anonymous -
Nobody is currently seeking counseling.

Riddle me this:

Who's your little pretty one that makes your motor run?

Posted at 05:59 AM in D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game, Music | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

11 November 2009

I can't stop myself!

For alternative hybrids to "From Dixie with Love" [see previous post], my own iTunes collection has inspired me with even more ideas for our marching band!

"From Dixie with the Best of My Love" (The Emotions)
"From Dixie with a Bizarre Love Triangle" (New Order)
"From Dixie with a Hunk of Burning Love" (Elvis)
"From Dixie with the Cradle of Love" (Billy Idols)
"From Dixie with a Crazy Little Thing Called Love" (Queen)
"From Dixie with Digital Love" (Daft Punk)
"From Dixie with an Everlasting Love" (Howard Jones)
"From Dixie with Fastlove" (George Michael)
"From Dixie with Jungle Love" (either Steve Miller Band or Morris Day & The Time)
"From Dixie with the Look of Love" (either ABC or Sergio Mendes & Brasil '66)
"From Dixie with Love at First Sight" (Kylie Minogue)
"From Dixie with Love Cats" (The Cure)
"From Dixie with Love as a Battlefield" (Pat Benatar)
"From Dixie with Love My Way" (The Psychedelic Furs)
"From Dixie with Love Plus One" (Haircut 100)
"From Dixie with the Love Train" (The O'Jays)
"From Dixie with Lovefool" (The Cardigans)
"From Dixie with Modern Love" (David Bowie)
"From Dixie with My Love" (Justin Timberlake)
"From Dixie with Real Love" (either Jody Watley or Mary J. Blige)
"From Dixie with Strangelove" (Depeche Mode)
"From Dixie with 100% Pure Love" (Crystal Waters)

... and my personal fave:

"From Dixie with Tainted Love" (Soft Cell)

"Sometimes I feel I've got to run away, I've got to look away, look away, look away, Dixie Land!"

What's your fave? Vote now! Or, other suggestions???

Posted at 10:40 PM in a little local flavor for ya, Music, you decide | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

A solution that Doc, Gopher, Isaac, Julie, and Capt. Stubing can agree on!

In a recent controversy on campus, our new chancellor has banned the marching band from playing From Dixie With Love (a hybrid arrangement of Dixie and Battle Hymn of the Republic) because of the drunken undergraduates who, at the end of the musical rendition, chant "The South will rise again!" In a recent status-update on the Facebook, R-Wad posted this: "R-Wad is writing 'From Dixie with Love Boat,' a beautiful blending of those two songs." To which, Sweet Pickles offered this contribution:

"In Dixie Land, where I was born,
love won't hurt anymore.
Early on a frosty morn',
it's an open smile on a friendly shore!"

The Lido Deck will rise again!!

Posted at 07:37 PM in a little local flavor for ya, Music | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

10 November 2009

"We were just creative kids with no outlet!"

Getting drunk on the phone with Wipey last night, he reminded me of the baroque prank calls that our group of friends in high school used to make when we were bored. These prank calls were highly elaborate, interactive, and contained intricate narrative structures. After recounting several of our greatest hits with Wipey, my beer and I ended up on the horn with Brad Bagby, with whom I recalled a couple of others. At one point during all the laughter, I pondered, "What was wrong with us?" Brad said, "Nothing... we were just creative kids with no outlet." Which made me feel better about the fun we used to have at others' expense. Here's a sampling of what we smalltown geniuses cooked up...

Target: out-of-place substitute teacher with a large bouffant
Persona: Deborah the assistant manager at Taco Bell (played by Sweet Pickles)
Premise: notifying lucky customer about the coupon booklet she had won in a random drawing
Objective: convince victim to present herself to the manager of the Taco Bell to claim her prize
Hightlight: the victim’s increasing enthusiasm because of how hard Deborah was selling the greatness of the amazing coupon booklet (Victim: “But I didn’t sign up for any drawing.” Deborah: “Then you need to find out who to thank for signing you up, because you are gonna LOVE this coupon booklet!”)

Target: dorky gay guy
Persona: mysterious suitor (played by Brad Bagby)
Premise: trying to connect after near-miss encounter at our county’s one gay club
Objective: convince victim to show up for a first date
Hightlight: mysterious suitor’s indignation at not being remembered by the victim, considering the intensity of the moment (Mysterious Suitor, after describing himself to the victim: “How can you still not remember? But we DANCED!” [note: the word ‘danced’ was pronounced ‘dahnced,’ in the British manner])

Target: JV cheerleader
Persona: socially-awkward girl in the Flag Corps (a real person in our school, played by A-Flor)
Premise: unpopular admirer becomes too close
Objective: freak out JV cheerleader with the prospect of a lesbian stalker
Hightlight: turn-in-the-conversation toward the erotic (Socially-Awkward Flag Corps Member: “Sometimes, when I’m lying in bed at night and can’t fall asleep, I pull out the yearbook and open it to the page with my favorite picture of you. And when the fan is blowing cool wind across my body…” JV Cheerleader: [quickly hangs up])

Target: a romantically-linked couple of band dorks
Personae: the girl’s fictitious cousin from out of town (played by A-Flor), the guy’s fictitious cousin from out of town (played by Sweet Pickles)
Premise: the boyfriend/girlfriend wants to break up with their girlfriend/boyfriend, but is so upset/angry that they can’t talk to them on the phone themselves
Objective: to break up a couple
Hightlight: ex post facto reckoning at school the next week, in which Sweet Pickles was confronted by the incensed flute player

Posted at 02:38 PM in stories, things I miss | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

06 November 2009

Thanks, D-Hug!

In case you aren't a regular reader of WCFC (in which case, you're a weirdo), the slut who runs that site has found and shared a great link to the web's greatest Venn diagrams. She already posted the best one, but here's my personal fave:

Posted at 02:18 PM in art with a capital 'A', Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

05 November 2009

My County's Latest Tragedy

When I got home from class tonight, my Facebook feed was buzzing in a way that most of yours probably weren't (unless you happen to be linked with multiple people I grew up with). This afternoon's shooting rampage happened in my home county, making it our second-deadliest massacre in less than 20 years. While I feel especially lucky and grateful that neither happened in my hometown, it still strikes close to home. I don't want to make what is a large-scale tragedy all about me... it's just that not to acknowledge it here would seem, to me, somehow neglectful or indifferent.

Posted at 10:17 PM in Current Affairs | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

02 November 2009

Facebook Tips for the Politically-Incorrect

Ya know how, when friends of yours get tagged in the photos albums of people whom you aren't friends with, you can still see all the photos in that other person's album? Word to the not-so-wise: try to think ahead to your first job interview before uploading all of your photos. Check out this gem I just stumbled across...

Offend much? Am I overreacting, or wouldn't the Halloween costume on the right (unfortunately, he was tagged only as "Lil Wayne") constitute blackface anywhere else in the country? With regard to church attendance, it has often been said that 11:00am is the most segregated hour in the American week. In our town, it appears that downtown on a Friday night would be an equally segregated time of the week. Otherwise, this colostomy bag (or rather, the contents of one) would have gotten his ass kicked on the streets of one of America's twelve "coolest college towns."

I realize that, when we're 19 or 20 years old, we don't always make the smartest decisions (I certainly didn't... check out my GPA, or my Valtrex prescription). Even at my own extremely liberal undergraduate institution, fraternities were frequently in trouble for this kind of stupidity. I also realize that, typically, our state is about a quarter of a century behind the rest of the country when it comes to national trends. But come on. Really??? Who still thinks it's okay to do this on a public sidewalk in 2009? Obviously, some undergrads where I teach still do. Luckily, the cheerful young woman rubbing up on the colostomy bag was tagged by name. And I'll be saving this picture, just waiting, in case she ever runs for public office.

Posted at 07:18 PM in a little local flavor for ya, oh hell no (a.k.a., I'm not having it), Web/Tech | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

29 October 2009

Post-Colonial Book Club

Today, the book I ordered for D-Hug's and M-Shan's Post-Colonial Book Club arrived. It's The Buddha of Suburbia, by Hanif Kureishi. Already, on page 2, there were two passages that made me laugh out loud (especially the last sentence of each paragraph), so I had to share...

"He was broad and strong too: when young he'd been a boxer and fanatical chest-expander. He was as proud of his chest as our next-door neighbours were of their kitchen range. At the sun's first smile he would pull off his shirt and stride out into the garden with a deckchair and a copy of the New Statesman. He told me that in India he shaved his chest regularly so its hair would sprout more luxuriantly in years to come. I reckoned that his chest was the one area in which he'd been forward-thinking."

"She said to Dad, 'Oh God, Haroon, all the front of you's sticking out like that and everyone can see!' She turned to me. 'You encourage him to be like this. At least pull the curtains!' 'It's not necessary, Mum. There isn't another house that can see us for a hundred yards -- unless they're watching through binoculars.' 'That's exactly what they are doing,' she said."

I think this is going to be a good one!

Posted at 12:37 AM in Books | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

28 October 2009

2004 Flashback: A Year in the Life of the Pickle

That Whitney Biennial where I first saw Julie Mehretu's work got me thinking about 2004. I remember it as a year in which I was actively happy (God, how could I have not been... I looked amazing!) whereas, these days, I guess I would say that I'm content more than rapturous. So, I dug out photo albums for a trip down Memory Lane.

In the life of Sweet Pickles, 2004 was the year...

of my first-ever trip to NYC (the first of many art-related travels with L-Ant).
that my godson was born which, as with the birth of his sister, and in the words of Michael K, made me feel feelings in my heart.
of the surprise blowout Sister Pickles and I threw for our parents' 40th wedding anniversary.
of my first Thanksgiving away from home (i.e., the whiskey-sours Thanksgiving at G-Wrobe's).
that I started looking really hot (the modeling contracts didn't start rolling in until 2005).

Things that were a regular part of my life that I really miss:

dinner parties at J-Klo's house
$105 per week to meet with a trainer every MWF
tanning beds
vanilla vodka
Sue, the best cleaning lady I ever had
T-Lev's house in the Valley
theme parties at G-Wrobe's house (e.g., the Monochromatic Party)
parties at my own house (e.g., the Okonomiyaki Party, my first Annual 29th Birthday Party)
Student Art Association functions (Flashback Prom, Halloween Party)
HYFA happy-hours at the Long Shot
the book club that met in the coffee shop on campus
Old Chem 402, my penthouse office for my first 5 years here
working with M-Add every day
slutty dancing with A-Mar every time the song "Butterfly" came on at a party

People who were here then that I miss now:

J-Klo, the Housleys, Yankee Librarian, the Navalinksys, Christiane G., Christelle F., Elizabeth and Andrew, Lisa R., Jen A., Helene S., and more

People who are still here that I wish I saw more of these days:

the Dales, Dr. Oh, T-Lev, G-Wrobe, Joanna F., Kao-chan, Angela H., Gin & Ash, Yunhee, Charles B., and more

People who are still here that I wish would leave:

Frosty (apparently), the Bald Dwarf, and her girlfriend (president of the Pentecostal Hair Club for Women)

Posted at 11:30 PM in things I miss | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBack (0)

What's on TV right now.

Art:21 on PBS. Specifically, a new episode I've never seen, titled Systems and featuring my favorite artist of the past decade who works in two dimensions, Julie Mehretu! At the 2004 Whitney Biennial, her work (a sample below) totally sucked me in and consumed a lot of my time (in a good way). If my #1 dream job (rich patron and career-making collector à la Charles Saatchi), #2 dream job (director of the Metropolitan Museum of Art à la Philippe de Montebello), or #3 dream job (architecture critic for the New York Times à la Ada Louise Huxtable) never materializes, my #4 dream job would be the gallerist representing Julie Mehretu!

Empirical Construction. 2003. Acrylic and ink on canvas, 9'8" x 14'7"

Posted at 09:50 PM in art with a capital 'A', get your learn on, oh hell yeah (a.k.a., I'm all horned up about it), Television | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game: Question #35

One-Night Stand -
Erin (Stevie Nicks)
A-Ev (Jermaine Stewart)
L-Shep (Elton John)

Booty-Calls -
JustJess (Vanilla Ice, Sade)
M-Shan (Bobby Brown, Sheena Easton)
Frenchie (Lil' Kim, Eminem)

Homewreckers -
Nobody is currently busting up marriages.

Sex Addicts Anonymous -
Nobody is currently seeking counseling.

Riddle me this:

Why do you never eat a pig?

Posted at 04:16 PM in D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game, Music | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

27 October 2009

Sweet Pickles is her #1 Fan!

Earlier this morning, Mama Pickles forwarded me an email. You know how Sweet Pickles feels about that. However, this one included a series of photographs of my all-time favorite head of state with all the heads of state of my own country during the past half century! For some reason, I couldn't get the attached images from the email, but was able to find most of them elsewhere online. Of course, she wasn't yet queen while Truman was president, and I don't know why there were no images of her with President Johnson. For those of us who are part of the Saxon Diaspora (doesn't that sound sweeter than "British imperialists"?) but not part of the Commonwealth, she's kinda ours too!

Looking online to try to reassemble these images, I stumbled across this gem (below), which would quadruple iPod sales if Apple knew what was good for them:

Posted at 08:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

21 October 2009

You know who I feel sorry for?

Barack Obama. Because, when artists and documentarians of the future start making films about his presidency, the soundtrack of contemporary music from his first year in office is going to be ridiculous.

You know how anytime filmmakers need to set anything within the LBJ Administration, something like Buffalo Springfield's For What It's Worth starts playing in the background? I mean, imagine it... the voice of the guy who narrates Frontline makes some pronouncement about the historic nature of Obama's election victory while the film shows overhead views of the election-night crowds in Chicago's Grant Park, and then, cue the Jason Mraz!

Musically, 2009 has been a complete bust so far. I think 2009 might be the year that new music and Sweet Pickles broke up. I have thrown less money at iTunes this year than either of my godchildren (a 2nd-grader and kindergartener). For me (but probably to the obvious delight of my goddaughter), I think the most obvious death knell has been the inexplicable and infuriating recurrence of Miley Cyrus' songs in iTunes' top 10 most downloaded songs (That's it... I'm out, bitches).

As my historic birthday approaches, I realize this must happen to every generation. I wonder when did it happen for my parents? There was a time during my childhood when they were still buying LPs and 8-track cassettes, and dancing together around the living room. I know it continued through the era of disco and well into the heyday of yacht rock. Looking back at 1984 (the year in which they turned the same age I'll be turning this December), I wonder... at what point did they say "F*ck a bunch of this!" Who pushed them over the edge, who was their Miley Cyrus? Was it Ratt? Laura Branigan? Rockwell? Night Ranger? Corey Hart? Rick Springfield? Nena? And with that, I give you:

The Top 100 Songs of 1984

1. "When Doves Cry".....Prince
2. "What's Love Got To Do With It".....Tina Turner
3. "Jump".....Van Halen
4. "Karma Chameleon".....Culture Club
5. "Like A Virgin".....Madonna
6."Hello".....Lionel Richie
7. "Owner Of A Lonely Heart".....Yes
8. "Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)".....Phil Collins
9. "Footloose".....Kenny Loggins
10. "Ghostbusters".....Ray Parker, Jr.
11. "I Just Called To Say I Love You".....Stevie Wonder
12. "Out Of Touch".....Daryl Hall & John Oates
13. "Say Say Say," Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson
14. "I Feel For You".....Chaka Khan
15. "Missing You".....John Waite
16. "Let's Hear It For The Boy".....Deniece Williams
17. "Time After Time".....Cyndi Lauper
18. "The Reflex".....Duran Duran
19. "Dancing In The Dark".....Bruce Springsteen
20. "Caribbean Queen (No More Love On The Run)".....Billy Ocean
21. "Talking In Your Sleep".....The Romantics
22. "Hard Habit To Break".....Chicago
23. "Let's Go Crazy".....Prince & The Revolution
24. "Self Control".....Laura Branigan
25. "The Wild Boys".....Duran Duran
26. "Hold Me Now".....Thompson Twins
27. "Jump (For My Love)".....Pointer Sisters
28. ""Joanna".....Kool & The Gang
29. "Break My Stride".....Matthew Wilder
30. "The Glamorous Life".....Sheila E
31. "Somebody's Watching Me".....Rockwell
32. "Running With The Night".....Lionel Richie
33. "Penny Lover".....Lionel Richie
34. "That's All!".....Genesis
35. "Stuck On You".....Lionel Richie
36. "She Bop".....Cyndi Lauper
37. "Oh Sherrie".....Steve Perry
38. "99 Luftballons".....Nena
39. "Drive".....The Cars
40. "Here Comes The Rain Again".....Eurythmics
41. "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues".....Elton John
42. "Twist Of Fate".....Olivia Newton-John
43. "The Heart of Rock & Roll".....Huey Lewis & The News
44. "Automatic".....Pointer Sisters
45. "Girls Just Want To Have Fun".....Cyndi Lauper
46. "No More Lonely Nights".....Paul McCartney
47. "Infatuation".....Rod Stewart
48. "Better Be Good To Me".....Tina Turner
49. "Sunglasses At Night".....Corey Hart
50. "I Can Dream About You".....Dan Hartman
51. "Sister Christian".....Night Ranger
52. "Borderline".....Madonna
53. "Purple Rain".....Prince & The Revolution
54. "Eyes Without A Face".....Billy Idol
55. "State Of Shock".....The Jacksons
56. "The Warrior".....Scandal w/ Patty Smyth
57. "All Through The Night".....Cyndi Lauper
58. "I Want A New Drug".....Huey Lewis & The News
59. "If This Is It".....Huey Lewis & The News
60. "Miss Me Blind".....Culture Club
61. "Sad Songs (Say So Much)".....Elton John
62. "Lucky Star".....Madonna
63. "Almost Paradise".....Mike Reno & Ann Wilson
64. "Cover Me".....Bruce Springsteen
65. "Legs".....ZZ Top
66. "Strut".....Sheena Easton
67. "If Ever You're In My Arms Again".....Peabo Bryson
68. "I Can't Hold Back".....Survivor
69. "To All The Girls I've Loved Before"...Julio Iglesias & Willie Nelson
70. "Love Somebody".....Rick Springfield
71. "You Might Think".....The Cars
72. "Adult Education".....Daryl Hall & John Oates
73. "Breakdance".....Irene Cara
74. "They Don't Know".....Tracey Ullman
75. "I'm So Excited".....Pointer Sisters
76. "Got A Hold On Me".....Fleetwood Mac
77. "Pink Houses".....John Cougar Mellencamp
78. "Thriller".....Michael Jackson
79. "Nobody Told Me".....John Lennon
80. "Let The Music Play".....Shannon
81. "Wrapped Around Your Finger".....The Police
82. "Head Over Heels".....The Go-Gos
83. "Cruel Summer".....Bananarama
84. "Think Of Laura".....Christopher Cross
85. "Magic".....The Cars
86. "Breakin'...There's No Stoppin' Us".....Ollie & Jerry
87. "New Moon On Monday".....Duran Duran
88. "Lights Out".....Peter Wolf
89. "Round And Round".....Ratt
90. "The Longest Time".....Billy Joel
91. "The Language Of Love".....Dan Fogelberg
92. "I Still Can't Get Over Loving You".....Ray Parker, Jr.
93. "Dancing In The Streets".....Shalamar
94. "On The Dark Side".....John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band
95. "Read 'Em And Weep".....Barry Manilow
96. "Blue Jean".....David Bowie
97. "Desert Moon".....Dennis DeYoung
98. "Doctor! Doctor!".....Thompson Twins
99. "An Innocent Man".....Billy Joel
100. "Some Guys Have All The Luck".....Rod Stewart

Posted at 06:56 AM in Music | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBack (0)

20 October 2009

Ya know what I love?

Myself! Am I the most awesome instructor ever, or WHAT?!?! But my real love is international students. Today (the first Tuesday or Thursday on which it wasn't flooding during the past six weeks), I took one of my classes downtown to execute their 'Free Hugs' experiment. Every Tuesday and Thursday, they were always disappointed that we'd have to postpone because of the crappy weather, but in the van on the way downtown this afternoon, I could tell they were all nervous. Riding shotgun, up front next to the driver, I sounded like my mother... "You'll do fine. Everyone will love you. You'll have a great time." And they did. They totally got into it, and didn't want to leave when it was time to return to campus. I told them, "Damn! Y'all sure do love hugging strangers!" I was so proud of them! I can't wait to read their reports. Check out the rest of the pics (including the "awww-inspiring" action shots) on my Facebook page. We are the world, bitches! P.S. - Have I used enough exclamation points in this post?

Posted at 08:13 PM in a little local flavor for ya, fun with foreigners | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)

Calling All Sluts!

Are y'all ready for this? Sweet Pickles just confirmed his booking at The Lyric for his 30th birthday party. On Saturday 12-Dec., it's gonna get krunk! Start planning now. For Sweet Pickles' out-of-town readers, start making your travel arrangements today. For you local sluts,what pair of your luckiest underwear will you wear, what taxi service will you use, where can you score some X, who will you call to bail you out of jail?

Posted at 01:23 PM in a little local flavor for ya, oh hell yeah (a.k.a., I'm all horned up about it) | Permalink | Comments (10) | TrackBack (0)

D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game: Question #34

One-Night Stand -
Frenchie (Lil' Kim)
Erin (Stevie Nicks)
A-Ev (Jermaine Stewart)
L-Shep (Elton John)

Booty-Calls -
JustJess (Vanilla Ice, Sade)
M-Shan (Bobby Brown, Sheena Easton)

Homewreckers -
Nobody is currently busting up marriages.

Sex Addicts Anonymous -
Nobody is currently seeking counseling.

Riddle me this:

Two girls from what kind of neighborhood go 'round the outside, 'round the outside?

Posted at 10:30 AM in D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game, Music | Permalink | Comments (2) |

Posted at 03:14 AM in D-Hug's & P-Rut's Music Trivia Game, Music | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)

19 October 2009

Friend-Request Dilemma

A couple of months ago, I received a friend-request on Facebook, from a dude from my high school. It was one of those that could have gone either way: accepted, or relegated to the friend-request graveyard (i.e., my in-box of pending requests, where half of the friend-requests I receive go to die a slow death from neglect). Technically, he didn't meet any of my criteria (you need to hit one to get past the velvet rope and into the exciting online world that is Sweet Pickles' Facebook page): 1.) Have drunk with me at least once in the past decade. 2.) Have ever had a photo taken together with me. 3.) Have met one of my parents. 4.) Be a student in one of my classes (former student if you're not international).

I had been friends with the dude's younger sister, and worked a couple of summers with his younger brother. I knew his parents a little bit, and always enjoyed being around them. And I can recall having had fun with him at a couple of parties back during the first Clinton Administration. So, I figured, what the hell, and accepted.

A couple of weeks ago, he posted a status-update that read: "Hang the white man from the watermelon tree." At first glance, I was all WTF?!?! What on earth could this possibly mean that isn't just totally unacceptable? Since he had placed this status-update within quotation marks, I wondered if it could be some ill-conceived commentary in which he assumed his readers would catch his meaning without context. I googled the phrase, to see if it turned up anything that, perhaps, he was trying to be ironic about. Nada. For the first time since accepting his original friend-request, I actually went into his FB page to try and figure out what this might be about. The first thing that jumped out at me was the biker do-rag he had on his head: a Confederate battle flag kerchief. A small detail I had never really noticed because of the tiny size of his profile picture. With THAT little piece of context, I scrambled for the delete button. I don't like to rush to conclusions, but whatever the hell seemed to be going on, my instinct was telling me that I didn't want to stick around to figure it out. And my visceral response was that 'hiding' him from appearing in my feed wasn't enough. This represents my first actual 'de-friending' of an individual for any reason other than confused identities or the clean-up sweep in which I first instituted my criteria.

Fast forward to last week. Dude has sent a SECOND friend-request AFTER the de-friending.

Question: Do I...

A.) Respond with a reason, detailing my concerns, or

B.) Just leave this second one in the friend-request graveyard to die a slow death with the rest of them?

P.S. - Have any of you ever heard anything similar to his status-update? Is this some poem I've never read, or a famous quote I've never heard of, or the punchline of a bad joke from the 19th Century? Is there something I'm missing here that could possibly put this in a less offensive light?

Posted at 08:58 PM in oh hell no (a.k.a., I'm not having it) | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBack (0)