Sweet Pickles

A Review of the Night

Ever since the Lyric Theater ('the club') opened in Oxford a few weeks ago, I've been thinking, "I can't wait for all my faculty friends who are traveling this summer to get back in town so they can check out the Lyric."  What I hadn't been thinking was how, with them, the multitude of undergrads return.  Now I'm worried that something that has been so great in July will start to suck in September.  I had a few glimpses of that aggravating potential tonight.

Midway through the night, I waited at the bar and watched FIVE random 'tards get served before me.  I was like, "Who do I gotta do to get a refill around here???"  Whatever hype you may have heard about the gentility of our co-eds, don't believe it (at least, not about this generation).  When I am drinking in public venues, I tend to become the 'queue police', and tonight I had to make multiple arrests for cutting in line.  While I can semi-appreciate the ballsiness of it, I do NOT accept line-cutting from the less-than-attractive.  Eventually, I actually had to push back another cutter, grab the bartender by the shoulders (I shit you not), and tell him "Unh uhn.  I need two Coors Lights, a Shiner, and to close out my tab right now."  Even on a $41.00 tab, failure-to-recognize earned a zero-dollar tip.

Also, I'm worried that more of our friends aren't coming out to shake their asses at the Lyric.  Tonight, several of us worried that the Lyric could potentially become a new dividing line between HYFA (the Hip Young Faculty Assocation) and SOFA (the Square Old Faculty Association).  And be warned, my friends... I'm not sure that even friendship with Sweet Pickles will, in and of itself, be enough to save you from that unfortunate designation!  Even if you don't like to dance, just come and watch me dance (and buy me some drinks)!

Random Twilight Zone moment of the night:  While standing outside on the street smoking a cigarette with a group of friends, some bigass undergrad in a pastel oxford-cloth shirt (didn't these stop being the cool thing to wear when President Reagan left office?) comes out of nowhere, literally steps into the middle of our conversation, gets up in my face, and goes, "Dude, you and I can just..."  I think it must've been some weird case of mistaken identity, and I didn't know what to say.  But as he walked away, I was thinking, "Unless the next words out of your mouth are step over into that corner so I can sell you some xtc," then there is nothing you and I can 'just'..."

Things are looking up!

This morning in spin class, the instructor's mix included Ini Kamoze's Hotstepper, Jimmy Sommerville's Smalltown Boy, Depeche Mode's Just Can't Get Enough, and Kool & The Gang's Fresh.  Now, I think I know who stole my iPod!

Hopefully the big-city DJ from Atlanta who'll be playing at the Lyric tonight will have as good a mix!

Check it out...

Here's my new favorite google search results to lead people to Sweet Pickles' blog!

From JustJess (who knows me so well)...

Who the hell still does this???

Cleaning their own house, that is.  I'm having my department over for a little dinner party to celebrate a colleague's birthday, and since I'm currently between housekeepers, I'm having to prepare the house myself.  This shite is for the birds, y'all.  I'm about to start mopping downstairs, and the thought makes me want to kill myself.  Last night, a friend gave me a good lead for a new cleaning lady, but it's too late for today.  Somebody get over here and do this for me!

Speaking of last night, big thanks to mladding for rocking out with our ESL students at 'the club' last night.  All I had to do was say "Hey, go dance with that Turk who's standing alone watching all the other students dance," and in a flash, she was on the floor dragging a Turk behind her.  Sweet Pickles loves command-performance booty-shaking! 

P.S. - My home phone just rang, and Caller-ID says the incoming call was from Newark, NJ.  Who the hell do I know in Newark??

Was it just me...

or did the temperature today actually hurt?  Walking back from the student union after lunch, my shirt was drenched, and I couldn't keep my sunglasses on because they kept sliding off my soaking wet face.

They sprinkled moondust in Sweet Pickles' hair...

Music Videos That Changed the World #18

1.) I'm down with anybody who samples David Bowie.
2.) P. Diddy speaks Arabic? Who knew?
3.) This video just looks slick.

TGIF

After an 8:30am spin class, and 6 hours in the classroom today, Sweet Pickles only has one thing to say for tonight: 

"Hey, Mr. DJ... put a record on.  I wanna dance with my baby!" 

If you're in town tonight, meet me in the middle of the dance floor at the Lyric.  I'll be the good-looking one with two drinks.

Just another manic Wednesday

At the 8:30 spin class this morning, the mix tape had three songs by Norah Jones.  Norah Frickin' Jones!  I nap to Norah Jones, people!!  I like her music, but come on.  Are the spin 'instructors' at Orion trying to piss me off? 

Today at ESL, we're having our International Potluck Luncheon, where everybody makes and brings a dish from their home countries.  Downstairs, our conference room is starting to fill up with all kinds of delicious smells, including a lot of treyf-ass temptations like homemade tamales.  My colleague from Louisiana brought shrimp creole. 

I made chili last night (because my nationality is Texan), which is always a hit with our Latin American students.  I made a lot, because I anticipate that it will be popular with the Turks as well since it's beef (it's what's for dinner!).  This group of Turks seems hyper-sensitive to porcine possibilities lurking in unsuspected places (yesterday in class, they were worried about Lifesaver mints).  When they want to explain to me about how they can't have pork, I believe they think I'm impressed.  But I know about the relatively simple dietary restrictions of halal.  So, I'm like "Fools, please!  Can you mix meat and dairy products?  Then shut the hell up!" 

Sweet Pickles so pretty!

During a 10-minute break halfway through class this afternoon, I was erasing the chalkboard.  One student lingered around.  Here's a snippet of the conversation...

Chinese grad student:  "Where you are from?"
Sweet Pickles:  "Texas."
Chinese grad student:  "No, no.  What country you originally from?"
Sweet Pickles:  "Texas."
Chinese grad student:  "Long time ago, long time ago.  Where you family live before United States?"
Sweet Pickles:  "Oh, okay.  England.  My family were originally British people.  But we came to America a long, long time ago... hundreds of years ago."
Chinese grad student:  "Ha!  I know, I know!  I guessed this!"
Sweet Pickles:  "What did you guess?"
Chinese grad student:  "That you are British people."
Sweet Pickles:  "Oh, really?  How did you guess this?"
Chinese grad student:  "Because you look like David Beckham."
Sweet Pickles:  "Yes, many people say this to me.  All the time."

Guess who is Sweet Pickles' new favorite student?

Great Moments in the History of Film #17

What I couldn't do with a lighted dance floor like that! Just give me a lighted dance floor like that, and it'll be world domination, baby!

Music Videos That Changed the World #17

Bear with me here... these are the Japanese versions of badasses, and I love them. These boys are straight outta Compton Kyoto.

'The club' finally comes to town

I don't know how and I don't know why, but it looks like we may finally have 'the club' here in town.  It was the kind of place that made me turn to my friends and say "let's walk around so that people can see us."  This hasn't happened for Sweet Pickles since Austin, c. 1992. 

This place didn't look local.  The interior space appeared to have no sports memorabilia associated with our university's athletic teams.  This place didn't sound local.  I never once hear anything by Jessica Simpson or Three Doors Down or Jimmy Buffet.  This place didn't feel local.  After opening a tab, I was informed that I could get drinks on my tab and/or close it out at any of the various bars throughout the club because all the cash registers were linked electronically. 

Alas, this place eventually did prove to be local when we discovered there were no restrooms, and that we'd need to go somewhere across the street.  Still, Sweet Pickles will mos def be back soon for more ass shaking.

The Turkish Bread Party

Over the holiday weekend, I've spent 36.5 of the past 48 hours with the ESL students! 

Yesterday, after we returned from Memphis, I agreed to take three of our Turks to Wal-Mart to buy bread for all the rest of the Turks.  They explained to me how they needed bread, and they needed bread now.  And lots of it.  I jokingly began referring to this weird craving as 'The Turkish Bread Party'.  But once we got there, they bought a lot more than just baguettes. 

After two weeks of hearing how much the Turks hate American food, how it makes them throw up, how wonderful Turkish food is, how badly they miss Turkish food, I was amused by the contents of their shopping carts:  Coca-Cola and Sprite, TV dinners, Swiss Rolls, Nutella, and Pringles.  Really?  So, despite how much I like these guys, I will be giving them a very hard time over the next several weeks.

Music Videos That Changed the World #16

And for those of you still struggling for ideas of what to get Sweet Pickles for his birthday, I want the exact same black-and-white striped shirt the drummer's wearing when he's air-drumming. P.S. - Somebody better be working on that JAL bag from the previous Foul Play clip. Hanukkah's sooner than you think!

My trip home: big fun, too brief

After a successful trip home for my class reunion, Sweet Pickles is back again. The whole thing was mos def worth the exorbitant cost of the airfare. After all the worries about insufficient weight loss and underwhelming wardrobe options, Sweet Pickles was still one hot commodity. Mama Pickles said she hoped this taught me a valuable lesson. Oh, it did... Sweet Pickles has still got it! [Although I think what she meant was something like, people will still like you no matter how you look. Yeah, right!] My only regret was not being able to stay for a longer visit home. Here are a couple of items spotted around my hometown that reminded me of some of the things I miss about home:

Homemade business signs in which the phone number has too many digits (and, apparently, free gas)...
and, authentic Asian cuisine...

Big Fun

BHS Class of '98 had big fun last night.  I was pleasantly surprised by how great everybody looked.  And by how many people I enjoyed hanging out with, beyond my usual posse.  Since the event was held in a venue that was open to the public, we had a lot of awesome 'crashers' from other graduating classes.  At the end of the night, my bar tab was only $9.00.  For those of you who know me, you'll immediately recognize the improbability of this.  I don't know if the bartender was trying to get with me, or if it was some kind of accounting error, or if I was reaping some good karma, but I didn't ask any questions.

Tonight's the main event, which should include several more attendees who couldn't make it last night. 

Today, for lunch, I had Whataburger, which I miss a lot.  Tomorrow, I want to eat at Mr. Gatti's! 

This afternoon, I made music recommendations for my sister to pirate for her collection of hot downloads, and we had a fun afternoon.  To log onto her computer I had to ask what her password was.  She said, "dirtysluts.  One word.  Plural."  I didn't believe her.  It really was.  I said, "Why?"  She said, "Why not?"

A Remote Blogcast!

From my hometown! 

The temperature was 102 F when my plane landed at Bergstrom International (I still can't believe that Austin's airport qualifies as'international').  Even from the air, you could see that Texas has passed into the yellow phase of its summer, i.e., the sun has killed off most of the green grass everywhere except in a few shaded corners.  The sun seems so much brighter here.  It makes the sky a paler, more washed-out blue.  The sun's reflections off of glass or chrome surfaces everywhere is more intense.  I notice the need for sunglasses more.  At home, all of the window blinds are drawn, and interior lights are off, and air conditioning never stops.  For me, summer is when I miss Texas the most!

Tonight is the first night of Sweet Pickles 10th class reunion.  Last night when I was packing, I couldn't decide what to wear, so I brought all the possibilities with me.  In minute, I'm going to start trying on everything to decide what most makes me look like I did actually lose the 20 pounds I'd planned on dropping before this date arrived. 

When I wake up tomorrow afternoon, I'll try to blog again with the lowdown on the BHS Class of '98 reunion.  Euhhhhh!

MIA

Uh, where the hell is M-Shan?  Sweet Pickles is getting tired of not seeing her around lately.  Worse, Sweet Pickles has noticed that rates of ass-shaking are down all over town, and attributes this decline to her absence from the local party scene.  We finally get LA and B-Whit back stateside, and now M-Shan goes AWOL.  Not to mention M-Kin and A-Ev spending a damn month in Montreal.  People, if Sweet Pickles ain't traveling, then stay your asses the hell at home!

Sorry for the minimal posting lately!

Dear Readers,

I apologize for being so out-of-touch and derelict in my blogosphere commitments lately.  It's just that I've been busy (read: in rehab), had some unexpected things come up (read: herpes flare-up), and been preoccupied (read: trying to prevent the unauthorized publication by a jilted ex of a compromising videotape) these past few weeks. 

As with so many other aspects of Sweet Pickles' life that require thinking, sweetpickles.typepad.com should probably go on a summertime hiatus.  But we'll put that decision off 'til we've dried out (read: probably never).

Love,

Your Favorite Blogger

Music Videos That Changed the World #15

Finding strange hands in my sweater... euhhhhh!!

Thousands on Facebook to display Schalit's pic

From the Jerusalem Post:  Thousands on Facebook to display Schalit's pic

There's a Party in My Board Shorts

Okay... now that June's halfway over, it's past time to get this summer's mix CD (There's a Party in my Board Shorts) out.  I've managed to get the list of possibilities down to 18, but want to make it a nice round 15.  You'll notice that not everything on this list is brand new.  But everything sounds like summertime!  Have a look at the list, and let me know what mos def should be included.  Vote now!

I Kissed a Girl, by Katy Perry

Shake It

,

by Metro Station

California, by HaDag Nachash

Stamp Your Feet, by Donna Summer

NYC Beat

,

by Armand Van Helden

Look On the Floor

,

by Bananarama

Where the Music Takes You, by Ari Gold

 (featuring Sasha Allen)

4 Minutes, by Madonna

 (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland)

Cupid Shuffle

,

by Cupid

That's What You Get

,

by Paramore

No Sex for Ben

,

by The Rapture

Sucka Mofo

,

by Northern State

Rush Hour

,

by Jane Wiedlin

 

Cities in Dust

,

by Siouxsie & the Banshees

Can I Get Get Get

,

by Junior Senior

B.O.B.

,

by OutKast

Bojangles Remix, by Pitbull featuring Lil Jon & Ying Yang Twins

Lo Mevater, by HaDag Nachash

Of course!

Now THIS is the kind of google search I expect to lead people to sweetpickles.typepad.com!

Do NOT...

watch the BBC documentary Britain's Worst Teeth.  It's more cringe-inducing than Don't Mess with the Zohan, and twice as scary as Midnight Shamma-lamma-dingdong's The Happening.  I could only watch a few brief glimpses before changing the channel.  During that time, I saw things that no one on this side of the boundary between hell and earth should ever see.

SP has been a busy little bee (very little)

Friday, I took the students roller skating (where I wowed them with my mad skillz).  Saturday, I took them shopping in Tupelo (where I bought more than any one else).  Today, I took them to see a scary movie (The Happening, by Midnight Shamma-lamma-dingdong).  And while I'm exhausted, it's the good kind of exhaustion. 

Last night, I told a colleague how I could finally feel my job turning into the awesome potential job I always thought it could be when I took the job over a year and a half ago.  Today, I told Mama Pickles that it had been at least two years since I have been in such a good mood so consistently.  So much so that I guess it can't really be considered a 'mood.'

Yes, Sweet Pickles is still a busy language executive who needs to lose 25 pounds.  But now he's also high on life.  For crying out loud, I was dancing in the streets Saturday night!  Granted, it was a very brief interlude, and, technically, it took place in an alley rather than a street.  But, it was public enough for some random weirdo fan to try to start dancing with me.  Regardless... these are the reasons why Sweet Pickles hasn't been blogging as much recently.  He's been out enjoying his favorite season of the year. 

As LA recently pointed out...

Here's just one more reason that Sweet Pickles loves the Land of the Rising Sun. 

My question:  The average waist size for Caucasian American men is 39 inches?  Really??  Thirty plus nine??  REALLY???  Where are these people?  Do I know any males with a 39-inch waist?  Am I just completely misjudging what a 39-inch waist looks like on a male? 

Suddenly, my waistline at its all-time largest seems positively tiny.  Now... my big ass, that's a whole other issue.

TGIF

Do y'all remember...

how sweet the song Rush Hour by Jane Wiedlin (formerly of the Go-Go's) was?  If not (or worse, if you never heard it), it's finally available on iTunes now (I've looked for it for years).  She's such a little cutie.  And the song is such a lite summertime pick-me-up.  So go get it right now.  Ninety-nine cents, people.... don't question me, just do what I say!

Half-priced sushi is delish, but the gossip's even tastier!

Half-priced sushi was as good as it sounds!  My new favorite is the sweet omelette nigiri. 

Wanna know what's even better than sweet omelette nigiri?  The succulent gossip I learned last night.  Since the police were involved, I feel it's best to remain discreet until I see you in person.  At which time I will totally spill the beans, exaggerating everything out of proportion to spice up the dish.  No, I take that back... this story needs is savory enough already and needs none of my wasabi to bring the heat.  All I'll say now is this:  Karma?  Still a bitch.

P.S. - In case you didn't already know what a badass JustJess is, she got a free tshirt for winning the shuffleboard tournament last night.

Huh?

Here's a google search I never imagined would lead someone to sweetpickles.typepad.com!

An old hero of Sweet Pickles'

A recent email from Brad Bagby reminded me of an old hero of mine who I miss seeing regularly on my television... Quinn Morgendorffer!  But ya know who I miss even more than Quinn??  Her BFF Sandi.  Now that was my kinda friend.  Actually, now that I think about it, the reason I probably like Quinn and Sandi so much is because their personalities remind me of Brad Bagby (Quinn) and myself (Sandi).  And Wipey would obviously be Daria, but if he wants to roll with us, he's gonna hafta be Tiffany.  Ahhh, good times at Lawndale High!

True dat! When will people learn??

From my favorite grad student turned alumna and avid reader of sweetpickles.typepad.com:

Possible candidates for inclusion in "There's a party in my board shorts"

New favorite downloads, all from You Don't Mess with the Zohan, and all available on iTunes:

by HaDag Nachash

Hine Ani Ba (Here I Come)

California

Lo Mevater (Not Give Up)

by Armand van Helden

NYC Beat

by Bananarama

Look On the Floor (Hypnotic Tango)

Both thumbs down (ugh)!

Took the students to the movies tonight.  Saw "You Don't Mess with the Zohan."  I really really wanted to like this movie... I was all like, "I love the Mossad!"  But in the end, it was still just another Adam Sandler movie (i.e., designed strictly for an audience of teenaged boys only).  Part of me feels that I'm just getting too old for bad taste (after all, I'm gonna be 30 next year, y'all!).  The only redeeming factor was the soundtrack.  [See next post for recommendations!]

Music Videos That Changed the World #14

Because "everybody needs a bosom for a pillow!"

Sweet Pickles' Top 3 Favorite Rolling Stones' Songs!

In alphabetical order:

1.)  Emotional Rescue
2.)  Miss You
3.)  Under My Thumb

Great Moments in the History of Film #16

Although the clip appears to be longer than the actual film, this was one of the most engaging movies I've seen in the past decade.

Song(s) of Summer '08

For several years after I first got iTunes, I used to burn CDs for my friends (much easier to make than mix tapes).  For a while, I had a very popular series named after an old catchphrase of mine, "There's a party in my pants."  After Volume III or IV, I branched out to make some more topical mixes, such as "There's a party in my parachute pants" (80s music), or "There's a party in my swim trunks" (summer tunes). 

While I don't yet have enough good material for "There's a party in my board shorts," I am able to predict that Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" and/or Metro Station's "Shake It" will become the official song(s) of Summer '08.  Both are ass-shakers that Sweet Pickles can get behind wholeheartedly. 

A question that haunts me...

Where I live falls somewhere between Riyadh (puritanical) and Pyongyang (broke)

The New Look

Many readers will notice a new look.  Image consultants have given SweetPickles.typepad.com a makeover that is transformative, but not permanent.  As someone who hates change (as well as April, the Beijing Olympics, and Hillary Clinton), Sweet Pickles realizes that not all changes appeal.  So, have a look around, see how ya like it, and vote now!

A.)  Keep the new look for a while.
B.)  Keep the new look forever.
C.)  Return to the original look immediately.
D.)  Go back to the drawing board for yet another design.

Recommendation from D-Hug

Jeannie Tate is a New Jersey soccer mom who hosts a talk show from her minivan... P.S. - For other regular hilarity, you should check out D-Hug's blog, espesh if you don't know who Cheryl Song is!

No wonder I'm so limber!

Alcohol 'cuts risks of arthritis'

Still hating the Beijing Olympics

China's original intention in seeking to host the 2008 Olympic Games was to enhance its image, so that China could finally get the respect it deserves.  Uh, not working.  The officially-sanctioned cheer for Team China makes the upcoming Beijing Olympics seem even more ridiculous (if that's still possible).  Thanks again, IOC!  Dumbasses.

I love Cindy Sherman, put another dime in the jukebox, baby!

If Art Basel is any indication, it looks like Cindy Sherman's still doing her thing!  Go, Cindy, go!

Okay, okay...

I don't know if it was the music, the friends, or how many people were trying to get with Sweet Pickles, but last night was great. 

The people who have been trying to get me to go see Maria y el Sol for a long time weren't lying when they said I'd like it.  They did play ass-shakin' music.  I really regret that I'm only just now discovering them as they're leaving for California. 

Of all the people I knew who went last night, not one person wasn't soaking wet from dancing up a sweat.  In addition to the usual ass-shakers, a few surprised me.  And although I would've guessed that N-Lope was a good dancer, I had no idea how good.  I don't know how I feel about this since I'm accustomed to being this best dancer everywhere I go.  Somebody better start dancing worse, or they might find themselves uninvited a whole lot of places!

Brief conversation with hot thang...

Hot Thang:  "So... are you seeing anybody here in town?"

Sweet Pickles:  "If you mean what I think you mean when you say 'seeing anybody'... I'm seeing everybody in town.  Call me."  Euhhhhh!!

P.S. - For future ref, here's what I learned last night that I think HYFA (the Hip Young Faculty Association) will be trying out during our summertime social calendar... Wednesdays at 4:00-6:00pm, Two Stick has half-priced sushi, and free Pabst Blue Ribbon ALL NIGHT LONG.  So get ready, MFs!

Tonight represents an historic first...

the first time that Sweet Pickles goes out to hear live music!

Most of you who know Sweet Pickles are familiar with his aversion to live music.  Reasons include (but are not limited to):

1.)  I usually go out to socialize, and when the band starts playing, I can't have a conversation.  This is because:
  a.)  I am very hard-of-hearing, and
  b.)  Most live music happens in closet-sized 'venues' not acoustically-designed for it.  Therefore, I end up having to sit on the drummer's lap.
2.)  In my experience, most live music is performed by overrated garage bands.  If I can't buy it on iTunes, I'm usually not interested.
3.)  Even in stadium concerts played by big names, I hate they way they've got to 'jazz it up' in order to prove they're not lip-synching.  If I like a song, I want it to sound exactly like it did the first time I ever heard it. 

However...

I have agreed (under coercion) to give Maria y el Sol a try tonight.  Since it's the group's last show in town before they move off, I'm slightly more willing to give it a try.  Multiple people whose opinions I trust assure me that I won't regret it.  We'll see. 

So, if you're up for it, meet up with us at Two Stick.  Band starts at 10:00pm, but some of us are eating at 7:30pm and staying through.  Others are meeting us for drinks between those times.